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A young Warrior brought a woman over his saddle. She had been near men practicing arrows on targets. A stray arrow had become in lodged in her chest. Not just lodged in, but it clearly had sliced and sealed an artery. I didn't even need to do anything else but look to see that. There was no blood. She was weak, plain, and in obvious pain. She was very pregnant also. I have come face to face with these moments long before Brianna died. Many times after. Each doesn't make the next any easier. Like a scar that still flares up raw when its hit. The feeling throbs, but I have learned to push it back, and keep working. I told the young Warrior to go find the woman's mate, as Tarra held her up for me. I felt her pulse, the motion of the baby inside. Both were starting to slow down more then I would have liked. Quickly. The blood wasn't flowing, if he didn't get here soon, I would lose them both. I never make choices on a woman's fate without the mate, if possible. He was on patrol, so it was possible. There was a moment, a talk, a feeling, new and old in the conversation me and Tarra had while we waited with the woman. Over the gifts of our hands and fate. She offered something I openly denied. Perhaps its my own narrow views. When I heal, I heal. I take control and responsibility over what I do. I make sure its cared for, and put my honor upon each touch. She wanted to help, in her own special way. I said no. One or the other. The mate could make that choice. This wasn't the same as Cana's incident. Perhaps it was. I had nothing to do with her mind, but just the body. The mind was the fate of others. Perhaps I would have still looked her over, but if I had been told it was an issue of Spex's I would have waited till they were done. One never puts their own feelings before that if the wants of the Ubar. He wanted me there, I was there. Honestly, I would never say no, but if the choice is mine, I will let the patient decide what route of healing they wish to take. There are some that put their lives completely in the hands of the Spex. Feeling its the Sky's fate they have infections, fevers, an arm half hanging off their shoulder. Their are even times when Spex have come to me, telling me it is beyond such beliefs. Mostly with children do they come to me. They honor the elders view of such, but will have me meet them in wagons with children, who need time to grow up and make their own choices, but for now are locked in the ways of their family wagons. I am okay with getting no appreciation for what I do from the families, but I thank those who are willing to come get me, when their hands can't reach in and heal that, which needs another touch of skill. I have a great respect for the Haruspex. They started my destiny in tribe. I don't think I have ever told anyone that. Not even my first Mate. It was something special between my Father and I. Her name is Suette, she had a daughter named Kei. Kei was beautiful. I had a child's crush on her most of my life. I would always go with my Father to see Suette. It was nothing that would end up some childhood dream to come together as adults. She loved a Warrior named Feliu once we were older. I never told her how I felt. When I was ready, it was too late. Funny how something I haven't thought of, came to mind during the first few days of my ventures of the First Fires. I met a woman who looked like Feliu. They could have been family. Somehow. The same dark hair, shape of eyes, deepness of eyes, features of the face, and smooth contour of skin. I wanted to ask. How does one say....to the Ubar's woman, 'Hey you look like a woman who I use to dream of as a kid, that I loved and never told. Happen to be related to her?' No, one does not do that. Does not share things so touching with those who might see truths that I want to stay hidden. Tarra makes me feel that way. Like she knows. Is it a comfort, or a worry? That I didn't know. My weaknesses I wear in scars that outline my body. My torment I wear in my eyes. I wasn't ready to share those full truths. The last woman who I shared it with, looks down at me, holding our child, and I smile when I see two stars next to each other with matching flares.

Yes, all of this in an roll of ehns waiting for the Mate to join us. He did, and I had to have him make a choice no man ever should. Who do you wish to survive? Your mate, or your child? I can save the child, but you will lose your mate. I can try to save the mate, but the lose of blood and the infections and wear on the body, will be at the expensive of the child in womb. I could see the struggle. I knew it. It hurts. He choice his mate, knowing the risk was there, she wouldn't make it either. I respect him for being willing to take that risk. There was so much blood, it was like a blanket of crimson across the ground. Across her body. She looked so beautiful, peaceful, as I worked. When I finished, I was pleased. I watched him walk off with his Mate in his arms, and I smiled to Tarra. With that over, I had vulo and Herlit feathers to think of. Fresh one.

The next morning I went to check on the woman. She was still a bit out of it due to the loss of blood and the teas we have given her. I have left Tori there to help. She had other children, and was asking of I was three. At this point, I said I was, cause she asked me like eleven times. With that, she reached over and gave me a slap, told me to stop putting stones in her pots when she was boiling vulo eggs, she pickled more stones then eggs last time. I just said sorry and would stop. Had to cut a look to Tori who was giggling as I backed up rubbing my cheek, walking out to see her mate sitting on the steps. He asked me what I did. I said put stones in the boiling eggs. He said he got slapped for taking her shoes again to feed the vulos, so I wouldn't have to clean mine later. She called me Mellea. I don't think I look like my daughter. He almost looked depressed over that. I had to chuckle when he told me she gave his hair a good tug for doing that. I assured him, I was sure his daughter was much prettier, and that she would be fine in a few days. I had Tori find the paga for the man, and make sure to make him feel, as a real man should, before I slapped her ass and started towards the first wagons.

I asked around for Ayguili. Was pointed towards the area of Tarra's wagons. I remember this cause I walked her home one night. A common joke between us, how everyone usually leaves and we are the two left sometimes. Not sure who scares people off more. Me or her. I found them talking and was about to turn and leave, or wait discreetly, but she called me out. We spoke of Cana for a bit, I promised as soon as we were done talking I would go see her. I shared my concerns, he shared his concerns. I promised to give a full report once I was finished with my examine. I asked to speak with him privately. Tarra went to see Cana while I spoke with Ayguili. I told him of my wishes. My wishes to explore realms of life I once lived. A desire to serve, and a want that was once more awakened. How I served with honor and no doubt in the past. It was a stirring. Like a need to ride out and burn down the weakened ways of Dwellers. He told me to move my wagons up. It was a moment where even in this desire to get my way, I as grateful I didn't. I had to prove, I was fit for that kind of trust. Prove my control. My skill. My honor and loyalty. It was one challenge I was up for. I gave him my word to prove this.