Power

Perfection before my eyes.

Never let go of a good friend.

What is this thing called love?

)(

Getting the wagons moving, went as they do. Sadly it was easier then usual. Less wagons, less people, less creatures. It was harder cause the weight was heavier in emotions as we started away from the grounds that were still strong in the smell of the aftermath of the fire. I got the wagons of those injured going towards the front, so that even in the slow pace of bosk, they would be moving in flow with the wagons never wavering from their protection. I stayed towards the back personally on the first day, near the healer clan wagons to be able to keep the supplies stocked in saddle bags for all those who would be keeping along the lines. The feeling was heavy on me, many feelings. Its hard to sort them to just one, as some were old ones surfacing again like a nightmare others were new, and still trying to keep control of them. Most of my life I have spent in struggle with myself. My inner fight makes me dwell so deeply in my clan. I want to save so many, to where I still can't save myself. I fight against my own blood, my own flesh, even the essence of my manhood though the scars that lined my face told all, I needed to prove nothing to anyone but those who felt I earned each one. I had not lived this long by making foolish mistakes, or making all the right choices. The Sky felt I still needed to learn and that is what I was doing. Maybe she was waiting for me to finally figure out and find peace in myself. Would she allow me to live hundreds of more years if I do? Or will she finally allow me to rest. I didn't think to hard on the outcome, but knew I had to find some ground within, to find a calm plain of being happy with the man I was.

I don't know if it is why I have longed for a mate lately? I wanted to feel, embrace, true Tuchuk blood that would call me Father. Making me feel truly a woven fiber of this tribe. I was a man, a Tuchuk, a Warrior, a Healer, now I wanted to feel all of these things. Why did blood drive me so insane? Had I not killed with my own hands, felt the blood and fade of pulse from those I was born to? Yes I had. I have no doubt I would again before it was my time to see who truly was waiting for me in the Sky. There was only usual wounds of moving this day. Falling off kaiila's, debris from cracked wheels, children trying to jump from one wagon to another, or slaves to close to moving wheels. So there was always broken bones here and there, wounds to stitch some to bandage, bones to set, it was all in a day's work. When it was time to call for the halt, I went to help with bosk, parking wagons, head counts, restocking again, and assessing any who were ill prior and double checking the rest.

Once I had time, the first thing I did, was go find Natalia and Niyati. Astar and Oren welcomed me to share the meal with the girls, and Natalia told me how she had explained how rubbing goat milk and oil against to flesh to Oren would make her look younger. Soon she would have young Warriors lining up to whisk her away. I was speechless for an ehn, not sure where that came from. Nothing I taught her, but I didn't scold her either. It made me wonder a bit on her past, sounds like something an older Sister or Mother would tell young girls. Perhaps they were gatherers. They knew well oils and plants. Even uses for everything from milk to butter to oils for the sky. I would often go get their advice. It would explain some of her medical knowledge, for they had vast information that helped the healing clan beyond words. It was nice to eat, and laugh. It was a warm feeling of family. I hated to leave. I did. Natalia cried, wanting to come with me, and I told her, I wouldn't be able to help any, as long as I was worrying about her. Her and Niyati there with Oren and Astar brought me peace.

I left with that new feeling bothering me. I cared so much for the girls already. Everyday there was fear of their Family's return. How selfish of me. I went to the fires a bit, my restlessness didn't allow me to stay long. Yes, the children were on my mind, but it was more. A deeper conflict that I spent almost a hundred years fighting. Questioning. Why was it freshly aroused now? The fires brought more then its rage on the land, the tribe and our display of showing how we will live and survive. It brought conflict in the man I am. Having a dick doesn't truly make me a male of Tribe. For only a male that lives past his scars, and shows being worthy of a name, and skill to be one of a clan, is truly a Warrior of Tribe.

My pure Paravaci blood and name mark me more then the scars across my body when I tired to remove my own skin. Bleed out the blood I didn't want. My compassionate heart makes me as skilled as my mind and hands. I know how precious life is. I have been trained to give and take it away. I have given my breath to this tribe, and consider myself a Tuchuk Warrior in title earn, though not born to. I find my body contorting in twisted feeling of being a Warrior and a healer. I want to fight and protect. I want to kill and raid. I find myself more at the whims of wagons and tears. Blood and flesh, in molding life, preserving it. Honorable, yes, for the Sky gave me these gifts and I thank Her by never letting wound be left open to the elements.

The fire showed me such conflict, I was feeling the inner man wanting to rip away the healer skin, and ride towards the fire, dig a trench, pulled out barrels, risk my life to see another bosk and wagon were saved. Other men were there. Not I. I was in the wagons, salving burns, wrapping limbs, stopping the rain of blood that seemed endless that day. Could it be the rested nights of retired mask that heightens this conflict? I have no idea. Then I felt like a foot solder of my Ubar. I don't have less obedience now to this Ubar as I did back then to the ones of the far past. I have less a personal knowledge. Coming to the first wagons made me embrace this. Perhaps why I feel a pull to go to Turia to burn, rape, pillage. Or was it something deeper? I wanted to feel all man again. Bath in the blood of people I despise. I would never take a Paravaci slave. Or touch one. Yet, I blame their men, a man, all Paravaci men. For making me feel like their mirror image.

These hands, these healing hands, I hate them. I want them coarse, burned and calloused from a life time of hard work. I work no less then any other man, I know, but my mind for some reason refuses to let me accept this. I didn't know who to turn to. Who would make this go away. Did not my Father tell me there is honor in what we do? We were all born on a path we learn to walk forward on. Even when it was so steep we thought we wouldn't make it. Respect this. I am trying Father. I don't know why, these feelings are haunting me again.

)(

I was nervous. Not sure why I was so nervous, just one of those worried type of nervousness. I needed to ask Oren and Astar to watch the girls for me while we were moving. I know my slaves are busy during the move and I usually give payment of trades for Son's in the age between soft clear cheeks and those ready to feel the scar of manhood, of friends and patients, to drive my wagons, and keep my verr herd going. That way the girls could help in patient wagons and I could travel other wagons freely to make sure some are holding up for the trip. Now I had the girls to worry about. I had for many evenings to get Natalia to tell me about her parents. She never would, always changing the subject to a patient we saw earlier that day or one she felt should be seen first thing in the morning. She has been very helpful at telling me about the stock in my wagon, what needed to be replaced and what needed to used first. This told me a lot. Someone close to her was a healer. If not her parents, perhaps a grandparent or older sibling. Someone taught her a lot. Not a word she would speak of it. I had asked a few of the healers around, hoping someone would see her and recognize her. No one had. Not that I wanted the girls to leave my wagons, this showed at how lax I had become on the search and started to think of the future with them. I figured, maybe she saw the flames consume her parents, or whoever was caring for her and her sister. They didn't look very much alike, but that meant nothing. Some siblings didn't. Natalia would be considered a lighter skinned Tuchuk, as we ranged from light to deeply tanned in flesh. Her eyes were light, not as light as my own, but would be called a light brown. Her hair very long, and brown. Thick and straight. Niyati, had dark brown eyes. Huge ones, she was darker then her older sister, and had darker hair, thin and wavy.

At the stream the other night, I had a long talk with Tarra. It felt good to talk. Get some things off my chest and mind while I check out her legs. She was a good woman, when it came to understanding. She said she would send over some dresses her girls use to wear when they were younger. Her legs are healing good. Its a long process but they were getting there. A few days later, I talked with others, who offered some goods for the girls also. Its a blessing, for honestly I had nothing, and Oren already scolded me like a young boy about wrapping Niyati in cut tunic sleeves I removed for Natalia's dresses to use as diapering. It made sense to me. Women sometimes don't understand the simplicity of thought, of men. If it works, use it. I asked Fonce how to ask the two women to watch the girls for me. Would they be okay with it? Should I? I know there was feelings of worry with one of the Son's missing. I didn't want to add to any weight of that alone by leaving the girls to be cared for. I needed to know they would be safe. I didn't want either to be lost in the wagons without someone to embrace and feel comfortable with. 'I' needed that comfort. I walked over to their wagons, with some sweets one of my patients made for me. Honey cookies, that were thick and soft. Still warm. I sat, drank blackwine and ate one as I asked. Not sure why I was so worried. Astar looked like she was about to answer, with the smile it lightened my mood before I saw the elder, Oren lift her hand to keep Astar quiet. I think I felt myself swallow back down a lump of heart that worked its way back down. Shit. She asked me one question, it was enough to make a Warrior's eyes almost mist with emotion.

"What are you really asking us to do?"

I answered truthfully. Words I didn't want to speak, but she was right, they needed to be spoken so I wouldn't ride out with them being a bother to the back of my mind. She was good. Damn good. For some reason I felt like she knew I needed that question. I needed to be forced to answer it out loud, to myself, not just for them. I did so. I said I needed them to tell me not only that they will watch the girls for the move, and keep them safe, but also that if I don't return, for any reason, they will be raised and taken care of fully. I needed them to know if I died for any reason, or found myself injured so badly I wouldn't be able to provide for them, that they would do the best thing for the girls and keep them. That my herd, my wealth of trades in my supply wagons all belonged to the girls, for the brief time they have been with me, has given me a taste of something I have always wanted. To care for and raise children. I turned my face from the fire to collect my thoughts after I said it. It was more powerful then I thought it would be, because it exposed a tender side of me that even I struggled with sometimes. I wasn't sure how to work and handle this delicate emotion. It seemed to be a good enough answer as Oren nodded and said for me to bring the girls over in the morning. Don't forget their clothing and favorite furs. I promised I wouldn't, exhaling deeply as I thanked both warmly and started back to my wagons. I was wondering how I would explain it to Natalia. For some reason I felt that worry again, that it might upset her. I found I was right. She was very upset. She has always been so mature and strong since I first found her in my wagon with the others. Now she was stomping and throwing blankets, making Niyati cry and blaming me for making the baby cry. She didn't want to go, she wanted to stay and ride with me. She could help me, she would keep up, she promised. Please don't send her off. Her tears ripped my heart to shreds. I tried to talk to her, tell her I was sorry, but I needed to do this. If I didn't, I would be so worried about her and Niyati. I wouldn't be able to work cause I would have to have both beside me. Really, could she see what might happen as we are trying to put some poor Warrior's fingers back in place cause of some freak accident and the teething Niyati constantly stealing a finger to gnaw on? That made her smile, before she sniffled, and came into my offered arm, as the other was rocking Niyati back to sleep. She fell asleep there, having tired herself out in the fit.

This to me, was perfection. By morning I had gotten their things together in small leather satchels. Tori had their breakfast ready so we could all eat together. It was a good meal, I enjoyed watching Tasha play herlit coming for a landing to get Niyati to get some eggs. Natalia gave me a list of people she wanted to make sure I would check on since she wasn't there to remind me. I promised I would. After our meal, Tori went to get things washed and packed. Tasha helped carry the girls stuff over, their clothing, furs, head pillows, and a few toys we have gotten from others for the girls to play with. Astar was waiting for me, happy to take Niyati from my, went to show Tasha where to put their things. I reached around from my back and pulled the strap from over my head. She hadn't noticed I was wearing two straps instead of my usual one. I had a small back satchel made just like mine. It was perfect for Natalia. I had it filled with basic healing items. I put it on her and tears ran down her small cheeks. I told her, to be brave and help with her sister. If any of the women needed anything or anyone near the wagons, I knew she would be able to handle it. Natalia embraced me, giving me a kiss on the cheek, as she thanked me. Astar took her hand, and lead her towards the wagon. I was happy she did so, for a moment I felt myself about to give in and say I would take Natalia with me. I knew it would slow me down, I knew it would have been a bad idea. I just didn't want to see her cry.

I walked away, after a wave to them all, exhaling. I had no idea, being a parent in any fashion, was so hard on the soul.

)(

It was a long day. It was a long and hard day. I asked Astar, to be so kind, as to watch Niyati for me. I would come get her later. She was more then happy to, for what I have done for Mezoo. She went on about how its was the least she could do, that kind of stuff, I think babysitting I would be the one owing her. Not sure what the rate for such is. A verr a hand? That would be a herd by just a couple moons. Jeeze, never thought on this before now. Good thing I had a large herd, as though it was still fresh in the sorting of family finding family, none had seen the girls parents yet. But I promised Natalia, I would see they were taken care of until they were found. It might not be until we were all riding the clouds of the Sky, but a promise is a promise. I like to pretend when I look at them, that they might really be my daughters. That Fatigue was my enemy. One I was fighting all day. There was too many I needed to see, to let it win. I wouldn't get an ehn of sleep with their faces in my mind. Natalia was the perfect companion during the early part of the day. She had the bandage rolls out and sang to the children when I had to change their burn wrappings. She would play "Peek-A-Boo" with them and each time I found myself fascinated with the game as much as the child she was playing it with. So much so, she would give me a tap on the elbow to remind me...to work. Such simple things that bring joy. Not sure why, but I longed for such simple happiness. There was a lot that made me happy, but I wanted to have simple happy with someone else!

I really wasn't sure what to do with little girls I could braid, so helping Natalia with her hair wasn't to hard. It would have been easier if it wasn't so long. She could do it herself but she said it was the way she use to love starting her day, her mother brushing and braiding her hair. There was only a few muffled giggles from the girls as I was trying to do it the first few times. Hair on the scalp of a little girl can't be pulled as hard as braiding reins or rope. That was the first thing I learned. The second thing was, with really long hair, if you don't keep pulling it out, it starts to knot at the bottom. So I was slowly backing up as I worked and I felt like a fool, but then, she would hug me, thank me and say lets go get to work. That...was the greatest of rewards to me. As for clothing, there was the dress she had on when I found her, after a few days of it, even the girls were tisking me. I didn't have time or means to find someone to make some clothing, so I compromised. I took one of my longer tunics, cut the sleeves short, put a windscarf around her waist as a belt....looked like a dress to me. She didn't seem to care much. I thought she looked fine. As for the baby, she didn't need clothing. It was hot out.

We were seeing to a Mother with four girls, all near Natalia's age. She enjoyed playing with them, so much...I asked the Mother if I could leave her there for a while to play. She was happy to keep her for me. Said its nice to hear her girls laugh and smile. Her mate and sons were helping with the damages, as they were wagon builders, and the girls were missing them. Still shaken from everything. I could see Natalia wanted to stay in her eyes, but she felt an obligation to come with me. I made it easy, I needed her to stay and watch the girls for me. If they didn't seem to be having fun playing maybe I should look them over. Smoke can go to the head. Okay, little lie, but it was what she needed. Someone so young, needed to be a child also.

I finished up changing bandages, leaving jar's of salve, checking a few newborns, and sitting with some who lost mates. It was early evening by the time I went to pick up Natalia. The woman's girls all asked if she could stay the night at their wagon. For some reason, I wanted to say no. I was a little shocked at my own first thought. For some reason I was afraid something might happen if I wasn't there to make sure she was safe. Of course I said yes. She needed that. I kissed her forehead and told her to behave, thought I knew she would. I thanked the Mother, and started towards wagons that were being unloaded. I was helping move crates, it felt good. Hands on labor. I was just feeling the burn, feeling like I wanted to. Until I grabbed a crate the wrong way and I felt my shoulder blade lock up. I wouldn't show it, and still moved it to the wagon with the burn as hot as the flames. No weakness. I moved a few more until I had to excuse myself, and reached over make sure I didn't tear a muscle. Didn't seem so. Just pulled.

I felt another strong hint of disappointment. I wanted to go back and finish unloading that wagon, I wanted Natalia to be at the wagon, nagging the girls, telling me what people she felt we should see tomorrow first. I wanted, company. Even if I was tired, I needed company. I headed towards the new grounds of the central fires, and no one was there yet. I expected it. Considering. The days were long, most that had families were with them. I got to thinking about how I should have went to the stream and soaked my shoulder, perhaps went to check on a few more people before it got overly late. I have to say, hearing Mezoo's voice just slice away the evening of such feeling of longing, was like the welcome of a dream come true. We played around with a bit of palm reading, and I kissed the warmth of her palm. I was happy. I was just surrounded with this feeling of perfection, like it was what it should be. I hadn't had this in so long. I felt a need to care, I got her food, tried to get her to eat, water, I wanted to nurture. I was wrapped up in this capture of feeling. This want, just soaking in its warmth. Not sure when it hit home. I was starting to get it. I enjoyed seeing the people, the voices, I was trying to fixate on anything but Mezoo. Once she put the Weavers brother between us, I got it. Was my pride hurt? Yes. I wasn't angry as I was angry at myself. What a fool I had been. Did I read everything wrong? The moment of a woman awakening from a near death experience, of course she would want someone's hand to hold on to. I let my own wants..cloud my own better judgement. I knew, something had separated her and Ubar. Maybe she wasn't ready, I thought she found comfort in me. I thought....what I clearly wanted to think. She wasn't ready, I was. I wanted it so bad, could I have made the illusion? Sky's I wanted to say I was sorry to Mezoo. I am sorry for doing something she had no idea what I had done. I was angry she didn't respond to me. How dare you make me feel like I was the one. This was real! The cold shoulder of others around, was it a clue? A reality that I expected the world from the touch of fingers. I wanted this woman from a cup of hands. Ongel, Man, get your head together. I thanked the weaver for the bundles of bandages and blankets she had brought. I had to leave. We had talked about Tarra, everyone's worry of her. How they wanted to gang up and force her to rest, I had gave them the advice of, You can't make anyone do anything` unless they really wanted to. Right now, I needed to take my own advice.

I just walked off. I hoped she would come see me. She would follow cause she knew I needed..to be wanted tonight. That even Warriors wanted someone to care for them. To make them feel, special, loved, desired, and craved. A love on an equal level. To want to touch my fingers before all and let them know, our bond, was something that we wanted the Sky and all around us to see.

Fuck me.

Dream Ongel, Dreamer. You are not a story teller. Get you head out of the clouds. I needed reality. I needed something real. I needed...to be wanted. It was late, I went to the wagons of Oren. She was there, wise woman, she didn't let Astar debate that Niyati had just fallen asleep. She told her to get Niyati for me. Taking Niyati, for once, no questions, her big eyes looking to me, as if to ask...why? She would give a cry of protest, as I took her from the warmth of a loving woman's arms, but it was okay, the noise was welcomed. I thanked them both, and headed back to my wagons. Sitting on the step closest to the fire, I put her on my lap, and those huge brown eyes were filled with tired tears. I did the only thing I could think of. I played Peek-A-Boo with her, and for the first time ever...for me, she smiled, she laughed. I did too. I think played until she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. But she fell asleep with a smile. I carried her to the furs by the other side of the fire, with her in my arms against my chest, I leaned back on the furs, I fell asleep thinking, this..is how life should be.

)(

It was easy to find Engorge, with whistles in the mass of kaiila's, verr's and Bosk all over the lands. He was huge, as most War kaiila were, but was use to my call. I felt a weight when I didn't see Cure in the masses. I saw the smoke swallow him when he went down, but I half hoped he would have made it. Binding and saddling him up, I would cut some of my bosk I could pull out of the masses to be lead and Tori carried gear to either use them to pull a wagon we could salvage back, or just use them for carrying back anything worth saving.

What I saw, I prayed none of my future children would ever see. I prayed those young enough to forget, would. To hear the stories would be one thing, but the image and feel burned inside of you, was totally another. It was like a nightmare that causes men to wake in cold sweats, and check his woman, all his children and even his slaves to make sure they were all sound and breathing. It was a vision of death and devastation. There was some just weeping by charred wagons, some refusing to let go of bodies as Warriors were collecting those for pyres. It was the children who were found hiding under burned blankets or in chest like they were taught if the wagons were attacked, that seemed to layer the emotions on in a heavier coating. I brought an Axe I have had for many years, a trade from Merchants cause it amused me. I rarely used it, with the lack of many trees on the plains. Today I used it to break down bigger pieces of my wagon that was worthless to be saved as wood, but to make it smaller to blend in the earth that we would soon be shoving up, as we were hard working people. In days no one would think thousands of wagons once laid there like a vision of hellish agony where those who lacked to respect the Sky or the Bosk would go. It would be dirt and ash that would be grass, by the time we returned to these lands. Everything that could be saved, would. We would mourn when we had time. We were thanking the Sky now, for giving us mercy to have saved so many.

I spoke with the Ubar, watched Tarra cross my path, which didn't surprise me in the least, she soothing Cana who was having a hard time adjusting, and this also, was no surprise. There were many around doing the same as I. I couldn't save any of the four wagons, some I would leave for the wagon builders to collect wood to repair those that could be. I would let Tori finish sorting out what to take back, and I needed to go check on Mezoo, I gave the Ubar my word to care for her.

In the vast of what surrounded me, nothing prepared me for finding Hannah. All I could do was hold her for a few ehns to let it soak in. I was there when she was born, and she felt so much like a daughter to me. I knew she had many sisters and family to help her mate with Bull, but right now, I would wrap her in bits of burned blanket and lay her carefully on the cart that was collecting others.

I rode back feeling every stirring of emotion that one could feel. Natalia met me there, getting water and rep cloths for Mezoo telling me she had rubbed her down with mint oil like I wanted, and Mezoo had her family with her. The Elder woman, Oren was sitting on the platform when I walked up. I was polite, and didn't walk in until I got a nod of approval to do so. Walking in, the feel seemed to rush over me like a breeze being thrown by a storm. A shake of my head to clear it, as I spoke lightly with Mezoo's Mother who looked so much like her. I was checking her throat for swelling, and her pulse when fingers wrapped around mine, and she spoke. "Don't let go" seemed to have a power behind it, I wasn't sure of, but I grasped her hand and we helped her up to catch a breath and get out the haze that was sending her into coughing fits. I was trying to check her over, touching her chest as she breathed and I suddenly pulled my hand back, embarrassed I was acting like a boy grasping his first breast. Wanting to study, feel, learn, but that wasn't what I wanted to do, or was it? There was something intoxicating about the wagon that wasn't letting my head remain clear. Her face was so flawless, reminding me of glass dolls on merchant wagons with perfectly painted faces. The whole moment was like a whirl wind. Natalia trying to help her drink water, I touched her jaw, its outline, those small fingers in my hand. Words, people were talking to me, I told Takara to get us food, Astar started to ask me questions that were only returned with shielded answers, silly ones, why was I so nervous? Food, eat, no, others eat, telling Takara to make sure Astar and Oren were taken care of. She touched me, why? Did she not feel what she was doing to me? I was confused, then, another touch...Oh these wicked Enchantresses were attacking me. No, be calm mighty Ongel of the Tuchuks, they wanted to see your burns. Where was Takara? She was my base right now, I needed to feel in control, damn I sent her off to serve, talk Ongel, get control..Yes I had a baby at my wagons, seemed to capture both of their attention, I was safe, no more touching, yet, my hand, my hand was capturing hers. I was touching. She was touching back, fingers coiling in a perfect fit, her fingers so soft. Oh, they wanted to help, Takara? She was busy looking overly happy with the gesture. I was invited to take my meals at their wagons, I would send the girls, yes, I would, I would? They were attacking me again. Words. I touched her hand, held it, captured it. What was that look in her eyes? Those lips, parted slightly, I almost jumped. She was getting tired, and Astar, saved me. Thank you I wanted to say. Sending Takara out to have Tasha get the kids ready for bed, I would stop and speak to Oren, was she okay? I might as well had said, "hey pick up your skirt so I can take a peek" from the way she swatted me to move and just walked right in the wagon, leaving me high and dry.

I smiled. I still wasn't sure what just happened, but her warm fingers still felt cupped in my hand.

)(

The night was long, and never ending. There was nothing that stopped me from working, knowing that the little girl that had found a cling to my side, Natalia, would watch over Mezoo well.It had been a while since I have seen the leather worker, Noya. There was a certain air about her, I enjoyed. I was not ignorant of her past, perhaps it played a part of it, I found her, a symbol of a woman who breathed tribe. It was a breath of fresh air to speak with her a bit. It wasn't until I crossed Tarra's path, and her wounds where, enough to make me feel a tear of guilt from having not checked on her earlier. I had her soak in the water of the stream. I could only smile, and see her be very brave as I cut away the leather that was fused to her legs. There was only soaking to try to ease the grasp of burned flesh. The last time we really had talked was the night we shared a meal. It was a great night. Not just of wager pay backs, but one of talking, laughing, and the thrill. I wondered what she surrounded her mind with when I felt the tense of muscle fight against my fingers as I checked her legs after working the leathers and boots off. A passing thought made me wonder if that herlit chick survived. I rubbed the raw of her skin with salve and wrapped her legs. Something about a woman makes me just want to care for her when she can't. Something about a woman allowing you to care for her. It was rare, very rare. I don't see this as a flaw in a woman, for that is the way our women were. Strong. One has to savor when its allowed. I do. Its like a gift worth a dozen bosk in trade. To gather a woman in your arms, and she gives just that ehn, of her. Of being a woman, fragile, needing to be cared for. To press a cheek against your chest, to carry her to her furs, and be able to smile, and see one in return, even between fires and loss. The smile was...Mine.

I think as men we all search for something, in someone, no matter the age, experiences in life, the roll of days, but just a little something, that belongs to just us. That is what we all just want. That is what we find in our mates. If it be the birth of a child, or finding love. If it be someone who makes you feel like if your arms can't embrace her at night, it will never be complete. It was what I was searching for. I had dreams, I had reality, now to find where they meet, is what I was willing to wait another hundred seasons for. It was a soothing thought, to find again what I once had. The fact that I knew the feeling, is what makes it burn so much. To taste it again. Like healing, like killing, like loving, to feed into the different lust of life, it was all one in the needs of a man.

It was almost the peak of morning by the time I got to my wagon. My personal wagon was filled with people, the healing wagon also, but I found a spot against the entrance to just sit and lean my head back, to get an ahn or two, and be there to be able to listen for any that needed help, that might arrive.

I had just fallen into this deep sleep, letting my mind find some peace. Not sure what pulled me out first, the sound of voices, or the feel of something clamping down hard on my hair. It could have been me being attacked, cause when I opened my eyes, there was nothing but huge browns staring at me, and I jolted to my feet taking grasp of it, like it was a sleen going for my face.

"What the fuck?"

Came out before I could stop it. The girls were laughing as a scream that cut the air sharper then a new quiva told me exactly what I had a hold of. Tasha ran up to help wedge little fingers out of my hair as I was just trying to hand the child to anyone. Tori was gasping for air, so she was no help at all, and it would be Natalia that would come and take the child scolding me for the use for such words to young ears. Was she serious? I just sat back down to try to collect my thoughts. Figure out just what was going on. Before I could get one question out, or get up to slap one of my girls quiet as the laughing was starting to bother me, all I heard...was Natalia..going on and on.

"Your girl Tasha, said she was to find my family, well, seeing that our parents are still missing I was able to find Niyati, who is my sister. Now that you two have met, and you have scared her, she will not be happy all day. Thank you for that. We have much too much work to be doing for you to be acting in such a fashion. We are thankful for you offering to care for us until my Parents are found, but you really need to work on your manners. But I am willing to help. Now, could you get one of these lazy girls to find us some milk, cause Niyati is hungry. I could use some food too. Healers need their strength up. I would recommend you wash up, you like horrible."

Not sure what else she said, I just started to zone her out as I looked at the big eyed baby. She was maybe one, but damn she was loud. I was hoping her head would grow into those eyes soon. Then she might be what I would call..pretty. Children at my wagons? I cut a look to Tasha as if to say, she better find these girls parents fast. Now Natalia, I could handle, she could walk, and was useful to me. She really had the drive to be a great healer one day, but that little big eyed one..still was screaming.

Shit where was some black wine?

Hope Takara was ready, she would be on baby duty until I find out what I was doing. Right now, it was time to check on people and ride out to see if there was anything left to save. It did take a cuffing to get Tori's head on right, but soon enough we were out.

)(

The suffocating smoke hit us before the fire did. But it wasn't enough of a Warning. We are strong people, we know what to do when we need to do it. When the fires were seen in the distance, bosk were tethered and all animals released for instinct would get them where they needed to go. What could be stuffed in wagons moving was. The power was something I can't remember in my entire life, ever experiencing. The Ubar had the men going as if this was just a string on a Czehar played by a musicians skilled touch. It made me proud to be a Warrior of Tuchuks. The pride wouldn't be savored until later, for now, it was about Tribe.

The first string was played, like the tone that would set the suspense for the song to come. Getting what wagons we could moved, what people we could save, our futures passed to the hands of our past our History, as Elders and Children would be rushed out first in wagon fulls. Water was poured over wheels to keep the wood from getting to dry and hot from the heat that was blistering the closer it got. The sky was turning into a phantom of fears. It seemed to feed of the screams, the anguish, the tears, and the fury.

The second string was one of deep base, cool control, like ice unable to melt in the center of the fire. Men were out digging trenches, taking barrels of water to be released, the ground to wet to try to save what wagons wouldn't be able to be hitched as it was ripping across the plains so fast, bosk lead by the band had to be released for no one would be able to get close to the core wagons. Thralls were unchained and none ran, no, they worked beside men to get the trench wide enough to try to head the fire off from those long lines of wagons rolling across lands still calm.

The third was sharp, enough to make the finger tip sting at its slender strand. Darkness of ash told no one to look back. Voices searching for loved ones, and cries of babies were lost in the crack of wood and bellow of the breeze telling the flames, the test wasn't over yet. One could only lift the flesh that was melting against fingers and place them on the back of the closest wagon. No one that could be saved, dead or alive would be left behind.

The fourth was a sympathy of song coming together. Healers were traveling the wagons of those cramped in them, the hollow wagons lacking people were going towards the front level out the ground for those heavier wagons piled with people to cross smoothly. The smell of smoke was now nothing common breath now. Handing off wet rep cloths to cover the mouths of all until they were far enough away to try to swallow fresh air.

The dancers were the animals of the plains, the birds and the people all in colors of life moving to the music of survival. I could only let my heart sing with its song as my hands and mind were busy working flesh under my own touch, during the challenge of the Sky, her gifts were making us all give praise and rejoice even now. Especially me. I thanked her for every person that breathed still, for every cry of a child that was clearing the smoke from its lungs. For the tears that showed life, and blood that flowed to show its power.

Sweat, blisters, blood and masked my tears. I filled my senses with burned flesh, hair, and trembled screams when I touched. All that was bringing me pain was their own. Their fear not of losing a limb, or the pain that was tearing deep into their bodies. It was of others, and I think I was weeping for them when right now, they couldn't. I was weeping for the stains of breast from new mothers that lacked a babe in arms. Women with soot covered faces hold cloth animals and dolls from children in wagons far ahead, and wishes of mates, Fathers, brothers and Lovers out fighting the flames and leading herds to safety.

I wept. I worked. The faces I saw, the fury of wanting to go grab a shovel and be standing beside my brothers was always a conflict. I knew I was where I should be. My blood was surging with so much inner battle when I found the wagons as my Kaiila feel into the smoke. Seeing Tarra ride up was hope, I would take her beast so I could go help the men. She handed me a woman wrapped in a scarf over her face, what she said, I couldn't hear, but she rode off before I could stop her. I carried in the woman, laying her in the center of the wagon, the young girl who was helping me with those in my personal wagon, came over to take the scarf away from her face. Not sure why it shocked me so much. The Ubar's woman was not conscious. We rolled her to her side, to force lungs to work harder to get the bad air out. The touch of her hot skin was calming. It was strange, even startling. Hot.

)(

The days were hot. With heat came dust, dust from the ground cracking from the earth that thirsted badly in need of quenching. The stream had lowered, the verr were thinning, and the bosk were digging for the roots of grass that had become sparse. The girls were filling barrels with water that was boiled and filtered as some of the small pools of water had turned bad when they lowered to far and death found their streams. We were pushing the bosk further out to open ground streams of the plains still with rich soil, which was dangerous further from the wagons. Those would be moved soon, but the bosk couldn't wait. There was protection from the elements near the wagons, the wild creatures didn't come close and other tribes were weary. Now they would be open grounds for any that wished to test the will of Warriors and sleens. We started to boil meats as dung was getting light with the lack of food and most of the herd away from the wagons. The heat was stuffy. With the call to get ready to move the wagons the elders were working to hard. There was nothing one could do to make them sit. Heat exhaustion was becoming common place when the warm waters couldn't even cool down the over taxed bodies of people. Even slaves that were very new were dying under the heat not knowing or having enough sense to do work in the shade of under the wagons, or rubbing some mud to flesh when working outside to keep the burn from going under the skin. Dwellers.

Between dragging old Warriors back in their wagons kicking with one good leg as they stopped from falling out from the heat, and their women saying leave him out so he will learn when the kids are jumping on his back while he lays on the ground and to get kids to stop saying if you suck on a raw vulo egg its better then water..stopping the loss of many future chicks and the grounds coated in throw up, I was working on my own wagons.

I felt my tunic clinging to my body, covered in sweat and grim working on my axles. Getting them working with a eased slip of brace on wheels was enough to make me feel proud for the moment. I walked towards central fires, needing some people time. Upright people, no kicking or cussing, or struggling to stay out until they turned into a mass of Tuchuk Jerky to make themselves feel useful kind people. What I found was a very faint looking Silken and Ash. It was a short talk of could she be's until a finally spoken she is, and life could finally go on. I think it was easier dragging the one good leg man back in the wagon then getting a bit of anything out of Silken. Odd woman. I have no doubt that child will be a strong one. Sky's help us all.

The talks where of heat and getting the elders and children moving before the rest of us cause the heat was becoming..too much. I was going to ask the Ubar if I could get them started as a healers view, but it seems the Sky was a step ahead as usual.

She gives no mercy in her lessons.

)(

"It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting......Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams master the lessons we have learned as we have moved toward that dream. That's the point at which most people give up.... [At this point] Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."- Paulo Coelho

Who are you?
This person who whispers in my ear that I can only enjoy in the darkness of my dream.
The one who is lost in my battle to make me you leave alone, but I keep you here in my desires.
Craving every single breath I envision a caress along my cheek and smile brushing my jaw.
The one who's touch lingers upon my chest when the seeded pain twist so deeply.
I just want to feel your hair against my finger tips, not a trail I keep following like a braided path.

Tell me why....
Your laughing when I open my eyes and nothing is there but the world I have formed.
Each day that rolls by again and again is just a hint of eternity you are spending haunting me.
I thought I had my dream and when she was gone, the other lingered to smile when I frown.
You hold on to a piece of my heart that never heals from its crack of love taken.
I can't just open my arms and you will finally fall in to spare me the agony.

Find me..
Watching the plains of my horizon that is just waiting to feel the step of your feet.
My hand is out waiting for fingers that curl as we walked the shores watery stream.
Whispering my vows of forever, I will protect every core of what is truly us.
Being strong enough to bend on a knee and offer you my life, for you part of it.
Smiling for I know only now, in your arms, and our paths now one, I am complete.

)(

Verr. Verr were all over the place. I was walking my herd to see which I would consider trading, cutting out for meat and hide, and those who were needing a last close shearing before the move North. I wondered if the young Weaver had come to take a few sacks of wool yet. I would send more over if not. The massive size of my herd is what I would consider rather ridiculous for a healer. For I had no speciality for Verr. Though it was good trading of milk, wool and meat that brought in leather, salt and fresh rep cloths that I go through in mass amounts. Salves where a stable also, I would give young verrs with light wool to a herbalist every season. Weavers made natural threads for stitches for me, metal needles were hard to come buy even with trading merchants, but bone needles were just fine for surface wounds, but they broke easily and if not boiled clean quickly, they absorb the blood and go bad. There was a moody young all black male kid that was causing some trouble in my herd. The pint size small horned little bastard was pissing the head Billy off. I thought of trading him off, but the attitude is something I found a great attribute in him. One day he would bring me many strong offspring in the future. I pulled out two of the young ones, and sent them over to my brothers grandchildren. He had a mate and a daughter before he died. He had grandchildren while in the Sky and I couldn't get started on the grass. I chuckled thinking of him slamming me down trying to get a headlock while getting me to say, he had the most fertile nuts. Brothers, we make no sense at all.

This caused me to watch a woman with her young daughter out collecting flowers by the thick bushes just beyond the outer wagons. It was one of those sights you really wished was your memory. The woman had a very round stomach, and the little girl was rubbing a flower against the swell. They were laughing and though I couldn't hear them, I could imagine the talk was over the soon joining baby. They would hold hands and walk across the grass, looking up to the birds as the Mother seemed to be pointing each one out to the little girl, then they sat and wove the flowers into chains of necklaces they shared with each other. The mother would braid some of the flowers into the little girls hair. That was really the last thing I remembered before I started looking up to the Sky, and there I saw some of the memories that had been lost in a deep hibernation in my heart. I saw the clouds turn into my dreams. Breanna was there, she was beautiful. Just to see her flawless smile again I felt tears moisten my cheeks. She was laughing and we were sitting by the edge of the stream. I was feeding her slices of redfruit, while we joked about names if the baby was a girl. I wanted to name her Stream, after our favorite place. Breanna said then a Warrior will think she has a weak bladder. How about a strong name filled with honor and life? Bosk! I got a face full of spit out redfruit as she laughed. I loved the sound of her laughter. Even while I cleaned my face, and she kissed off a bit left there, saying its my own fault for making her so happy. We would kiss under the moons, and I remember the first time I felt the kick of life I helped create under my palm. I had tears, we had tears, and so many dreams. Daughters with long braids, and sons with black eyes, and cut knees from sparring, and trying to catch a tarsk by the tail like some foolish story their father told them.

I saw it all in the Sky, and only did it fade into a haze of mist when I felt little fingers touch my hand. The little girl I had been watching brought me flowers she had made into a crown. Saying I looked so sad, and she didn't mean to be staring, but she didn't like tears. I lowered to my knee, so she could place them on my head, knowing what a big fool I might look like, but I made her smile, when I smiled too. She saved me just now, I wish she knew how much. Kissing her cheek I waved to her Mother as she ran back to her. I walked back to my wagons, feeling like a new man. With a crown of flowers on my head.

)(

There is something very peaceful about sitting on the grassy hill in the afternoon looking across the plains. Its rare I relax with no tunic on. Even in smoldering heat do I keep the light long sleeves of tunic across my arms. There is pride in scars, just not in those that were self inflected, even if a reminder of a young man's struggle of his own will. Something maybe in another hundred years I will get over. Tasha was by my side, we savor these moments of just the two of us, which are far and in between. She tells me stories of her home, the scents and the sands. The Thassa, and ships, battles and raids of infamous black slavers, and when she speaks them, the thrill in her voice tells me, her slavery was something that was truly suppressed back then. Just like a flower ready to bloom under the right care and light. She has blossomed well. The scene before us was perfection, that of endless hills of grass and our own thassa of bosk that stretched out across the background of our life. She spoke of how well Takara was learning, and how it made Tori jealous cause the girl was finding her place at my wagons. This pleased me greatly. All around. If Tori was starting to get on edge, means Takara was doing very well in Tori's eyes too. When it comes to slaves of pure loyalty and hard work, there would be no one I would compare to Tori. We laughed as I told stories of being a clear cheeked young man and daring my way to Turia. I stole clothing from a line dressing as city people, and wandering in with my best friend Jaron to their local Paga Den. I found my odd taste for Kalda there, and we wagered with Scarlet Warriors all night long, winning Daggers, coins and even cloaks of Caste. This amused the both of us, walking out with a green eyed slut from the Sands, for we had won her also in game of daggers across the post of the dancing sands. She wore yellow silks and chains of gold. Looking towards a bosk hooked to a cart with barrels stacked on it, we decided, to take it. It was getting late, and the gates would be closing soon. We were on a roll and with youth came foolishness. It was very clear when we took the merchant also, gagging him, hooding him and tossing him in the back of the cart covered in sacks of roasted nuts, and sweet chips of flat bread that were fried in sugar and cinnamon. Things that might be sold in bowls at paga dens. So there we were, I in a cloak of blue, and Jaron in one of green, just leading the bosk out, with the girl dancing around beside us, as honestly we had let her indulge in wines as we were feeling rich in the Den of Dwellers. We had just left the last gate as it was being pulled closed and vendors leaving with carts in the same path through the outer farms , though from where we were in our drunken haze, we could see the path ended before the first rise of hills across the plains. For some reason, that was the funniest shit me and Jaron had ever seen, and were bellowing out in laughter over it. We were totally oblivious of the dirty looks and questioning glances of those near us just trying to get home. It was like a spark was under our asses when we got this great idea. We told the girl to follow the path with the cart, leading the bosk until it ended, and then keep going past that. We would catch up. The drunk girl thought that was a adventure, going on about sand, or some silly shit hills, I can't remember, I'm sure she was thinking who in their right minds would go beyond the path? Tasha was giggling as she would mold into my arms and I couldn't help but smile at the memory of it all. Not to draw out a very long story, I told her the few things I learned that night.

One, don't set a barn or house on fire while your still in it. Not smart at all.

Two, if your on fire, don't run.

Three, if your friend who can't read breaks open the lid of a barrel and says put your head in this to make the fire in your hair go out, smell it first. Fire likes paga.

Oh yes, and once we both made it, naked, cause our clothing caught on fire, I was bald with a badly burned head, and to drunk to think much on it, and Jaron had half his hair burned off, we discovered another thing. A gagged hooded merchant can suffocate under sacks of nuts and sweet chips. Our bad. Rolling him out, letting the girl drive forward, it was morning by the time we got back to the wagons, hung over, put on trench duty for three days, and was only give sweet chips out of our finds to keep, as our Fathers took the rest. For a lesson learned. Not bringing back enough slaves for everyone.

It was good to share a laugh, I gave her a slap on the ass, to get her going. A second one for making me lay across the grass so long and late for a meal with a toothless patient, who only makes mush. Yum. The rounds were long and slow. Nothing good to make me think. A few good scars on some young men, that they were proud of after a few 'hidden' tears I would never tell about when they were brought in. I did have one interesting afternoon. A little boy, maybe four years old, had a huge bug up his nose. It wasn't an issue of getting it out, it was an issue of him not wanting it out. His mother was saying leave him be, the Father wanted the bug out. The boy said, why not? Two heads are better then one. Smart kid, I was impressed. So after a very long debate, between me and the boy, me and the mom, me and the dad, the dad and the boy, the mom and the dad, I had the headache and we all settled on one good tug, if it doesn't come out, it can stay. So all were semi happy, for I only made sure to pull off the wings and legs so nothing was hanging out obvious.

I have to say, I was happy to get back to my wagons. It was busy, but I wanted to have some warm blackwine, my hands rubbed, and maybe some dancing for my entertainment. The girls were off working on some hides and I had Takara who looked very lovely kneeling before me. I have to honestly say, she has been a very good find. Beautiful, Lustful, Eager, and had great tits and ass. She wasn't to bad on serving either. She was picking things up fast, and I had gotten many compliments on her. I wanted the brand she had, covered in a deep mark of four horns. But before that, I decided, to pierce her nose. Removing her bells, and showing her how to dress in clad kajir, I thought the hoop at her nose was a perfect touch.

I enjoy looking at her. Her beauty was not unique. It was very common for the tribe. Dark hair, eyes, and fair skin starting to hue under the sun. Her feel was what was unique. I wanted to learn more about her. She moved like liquid fire that never burns the skin when touched, but ignites it with her. I like to see the struggle in her. I can see she wants to tear into me like a hungered sleen. I like the suffering of making her stay back. I want to see the begging whimper of body at my feet, that I could mold up into something that is perfect, for me.

)(

I have way too many thoughts in my head this day. It started off wrong, when I woke and found all the girls gone to do their daily chores. Any other time its a moment of peace, I had not slept good, I usually sleep far into the afternoon when I have over night patrol, but this time sleep left me feeling empty. A need. A need to feel warmth beside me. To feel skin. Soft skin, that would just press up against my fingers, wanting my touch. I wanted to see long dark hair across my furs, bare flesh beside me, deep breaths of her slumber, a dream I would let my ego fill with knowing they were all of me. But, I looked down and all I saw was empty fur. I laid back against the empty spot that still smelled like Tori. I chuckle would touch, thinking of how I tried to force her to mate me. What a fool I was. So much of a self centered need to not be alone I would try to tear her out of where she found comfort and safety. She wanted to not hide a thing from me, and I didn't get it until she screamed and said she would hate me forever if I dared. So I fucked her, collared her and we called it a day. I never thought of it with Tasha. She doesn't make me feel the same as Tori did. Though, those lips, Damn. There was no point in laying there longer, and I was not in the mood to cure my own need. Though I did let a sweet little blonde who came to tell me Hannah wished to see me sometime this afternoon, get hands on with my issue as I sat on the platform and enjoyed fresh black wine. By the second bowl I was feeling better, and she was whimpering something with muffled words. Odd, sluts always trying to talk with a full mouth. After a brief scolding for the mess she made and well, just having to throw her ass over the edge of the railing, I would have to talk to Hannah and her mate about trading for this girl. If not anything else, I can't remember any girl that has brought me the kind of service she did, in the best bowl of black wine ever. I could handle starting every mid morning like that.

Hannah was giving me a light smile. She wanted me to check Bull out, he had some rash under his folds in his neck. It was simple, he was drooling around and it was keeping the flesh moist and chaffing. Just put a rep cloth bib on him, and keep him dry. Damn, he never ceased to amaze me. He was huge. I could see fist full of bosk in those hands soon. I would ask Hannah how she was feeling. With this pregnancy so soon, I was worried. Today she was looking good. Pink to her skin, and a little bit of weight on her normally frail limbs. I told her I was proud of her, and it seemed to be what she was waiting to hear. She was taking good care of herself.

I went out to tend to the Bosk for the rest of the evening. Young ones had been branded earlier and any new straggler births had been branded already also. I had some already horn tip painted that would not be making the trip north with us. I had commission some meat cutters to come and help me take a few down. The hides would keep us warm all wintering season, and the meat be all we needed with much to spare for others. When I was starting to head back, I noticed a break in the center. Riding over on Cure, I couldn't help but feel my chest tighten looking down at my main bull fighting for a breath on the ground. I looked around finally trying to figure out what happened. A younger bull had taken him down. Hit him down causing his front legs to shatter under his own weight. Such was the will of the Sky, survival of the fittest.

I had raised that bosk, it was hard to give a man's mercy to a grand beast. Slitting his throat, the heat of blood pouring over my hands. It stirred something dark and deep. I felt the blade against my own flesh as I started to run it along his limbs pulling the hide back. I would tend to him myself, harvesting every organ, every stone of meat, clean every bone. Ahn's rolled by before I would allow my girls to come collect the work I had completed. The throb was heavy. Blood that cloaked my flesh was smoother then any silk felt up the thighs of a curvy slut. I felt like a sleen locked in a cage wanting to get out once the darkness coated the land. It was making me angry. I don't know why, it was. I stood in the stream watching the water become stained. Like a hand reaching out across the waves, clawing against the ripples to not allow them to break its course.

When I got to the main fires, my mood still was hazed with this feeling. My first thought said to go back to my wagons. I wanted to smell the sage and dung of the main fires. The sleens growl was still a vibration deep in the back of my head. Calm. Remain Calm. My words were laced by the growl. They were speaking. The prowling sleen that wanted to hunt. Before I could find control, it had started its stalking. Once it hit the will and power of another, it started to pull back on hind legs, drawing out claws on all six, ready to battle. The head of the pack had made its claim, I could only pace. Pace in my own angry circle. I walked off, clearing my head, letting the hair lay back, and claws start to find home in the warmth of my own hands.

The sleen was resting. I was able to think. Compassion found its return, who had locked it away? I had Takara make us a meal of things that were nothing but that for the sweetest of tooth. I brought my own stash. I found Cana, and told her I could no longer her be healer. In such I have decided I would be a friend. We, Cana, Tarra and I, talked, laughed and made wagers of weight and will. I broke out my favorite rare treat, of thick sweet syrupy Turian liquor. We ate, we drank, and danced. Cana's witty tale of a less endowed Turian Warrior caused Rook to take her home. Takara, my beauty, was flushed and warm. I could smell her lust, and one couldn't help the moment. Tarra was flowing against my arms, she had this scent that would awaken every sense. It was hot, she was beautiful, the moment would have been one of melting her against the ground and tasting bit of skin, heating the grass with sex and desire. I brushed a kiss against her neck. Flames tasted so sweet. The sleen started to growl again. To much temptation. It was time to hunt, my girls would be my pray.

)(

I woke up covered in sweat. Pushing bodies off of me, I walked out, knowing Tori would unbind Takara on the platform. All I knew was, I needed water. Lots of it. I just simply walked out to the stream coated in sweat. That was in. Naked, I felt the prickle of cool morning air that was a feeling of thankfulness for the Sky's kindness. What had I dreamed about? Truths. Did Truths matter? Did flesh matter? Why was I dreaming of my blood, then of my heart. To say I didn't have an identity crisis happening sometimes, was a huge lie. I wanted to be fully Tuchuk so bad, my skin bore the scars of trying to peel away what haunts me the most. Would Fathers refuse to let their lines be tainted by pure Paravaci blood? Why was this bothering me today? Because I dreamt of children. Sons and Daughters with heavy bands of gold and gems. Running around happy, happy in lands with Bosk branded in the mark of bola. What did this mean? Was it an old memory or a haunting of a very hidden wonder of my past? I didn't want either one. I didn't want it.

When did these nightmares start? I knew the day. The day I knew/learned what I was capable of. The first man I would ever kill, a mirror image. I had stolen his bosk. When I took it, it was clear they were stolen also. From the marks, they were Kataii bosk. It was a meeting I felt was humor of the Sky. He had been sleeping under a brush with the bosk tethered to its base by their rings. It was a battle for he was smarter then I. He had been pretending to sleep under the helmet he was still wearing. We fought with quiva, much blood between us. It was like a perfect match. We were the same height, build and it seemed strength. I removed my helm finally, tossing it to the side, for the loosened mesh was hitting me in the eyes. I went for another strike and letting the blade run across his throat with a single slice. Once I had done so, I couldn't get, why...it happened. Why had he stopped? Why hadn't I noticed he stopped? I just attacked, and he never lifted an arm. I was dumbfounded. I felt, cheated. Collecting my wits, did I finally remove his helmet. To see this person who just gave way to me. Only then did I understand. The death in his light brown eyes, just stared at me. This mirror. This Reflection. This Paravaci, who must have been out also, to earn his first scar, just like I. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to see, his eyes were shaped like mine, his face like I was looking against the surface of a clear quiet stream. No. I didn't. I had to remove it, so no one would know. No one. The rage consumed me. I carefully removed every feature, until the face was nothing but a mask of pink and white tissue, and the eyes were removed, fed to my kaiila. No one would ever see. No one. No one. I sat there, next to the body, wondering what I had done, and why.

The same thing still that bothers me.

Truth and Me.

What a way to start my morning. I didn't notice the cuts at my palm. My own fingers. I finished washing up, they were shallow. I was always careful with my hands. Its only when, I was not one with flesh in my minds wanderings do I find odd cuts and bruises. I wondered if I sleep walk, or what its it I do, the girls don't tell me about. I have no idea. Right now, I didn't care, I had to wash this feeling off, and start my day. The dream, thought, member of blood caused the stir of darkness. Its weight on my subconscious of need, as I walked back to my wagon, showered with by whistling and teasing slaves. It made me smile. Sluts, got to love them. Getting back to my wagon, I dressed and started out to my rounds, as Tori was gone, Tasha working with Takara, and I told Hannah I would be over this morning. She had something she said was a concern, but nothing that couldn't wait till morning. On the way there, I stopped to check on the woman who had the arrow piercing. Before I walked up the steps I would speak with the birthing Woman, who was checking on her also. I wish there was a better way, but the child that no longer kicked, had to be born. Had to be freed, to be given back to the Sky. I told her give it another few days, then she will be strong enough for the roots to induce. I would be around if needed, but usually the women knew how to take care of this. Honestly nothing I really wanted deal with. I kept a smile as I went in and spoke with her. She was doing great, better then I expected. I changed the dressings, before heading out towards Hannah's wagons. She was still pale. Maybe she just needed to spend more time outside. Baby Bull, was huge. Just rolling thick at what? Eight hands? I was impressed. She brought me a bowl of black wine, strong, black. I sat with the baby looking him over as she rested across from me. She just kind of blurted it out. Nothing like preparing me. She thought she was pregnant again already. I just stared at her as I drank, and the baby reached for the buttons of my vest. I finished the bowl, letting Bull have it, since it was cool, with no hot drops left. He would take it to his mouth, watching his face form the obvious dislike for the strong flavoring still left on the rim.

I suppose I should be saying Congratulations? I wasn't prepared for her to start crying. I handed the baby and the bowl back to her, sitting closer. Explaining, no tears until my second bowl. It was going to be okay. It was nothing new. Women have been doing this for as long as there was bosk. She just had to be careful, the body hasn't completely gone back to normal yet. If she was going to be popping out a herd of bulls, she would need some extra rest, liquids, fatty foods, to get some weight gain up, and, sit on the steps in the light for at least a turn of shadows twice a day. She needed some color. I told her, I had no doubt she would be a great mother, two fold. Just relax. It seemed to make her feel better. I finished my second bowl, telling her I would have Tori make her this sweet bread that was packed with good things. I didn't want to tell her, Tori took them to a woman once, that was needing some weight, and I swear, I never saw a woman's ass get so round in my life. It was great. Her mate gave me four more Verr, he was so pleased with the results.

I left to do my rounds and I had to work on changing out my two back wheels of my supply wagon. Which meant, emptying it out before I changed them. It would be a long afternoon, but one I was honestly looking forward to. Jaron had been doing better once his mates hormones were starting to even out. He came by to help me, venting out how lucky I was to still be single. I could only chuckle when I was just thinking, what a lucky man he was.

I was exhausted by the time evening was starting to come. I had patrol tonight, so wanted to spend some time at the fires. I needed to get a collection of Vulo happening. Had wagers to pay off still. Arriving to the fires, I got comfortable, and was amazed I feel asleep so quickly. I was awakened by a hand going for my crotch. A very pretty hand I tend to be fond of. Chuckling I released Tarra's hand, and had Takara bring me food as we talked. I was tired, and that weight was getting heavier inside of me. It was making me feel cranky like a teething child. I wanted whatever to happen and I was just not doing good with the waiting game. Her, Tarra's, Father arrived. He told me to select a weapon of choice for a spar. We fought, fought well, but it seemed the Elder Warrior topped me. I didn't go down without a fight though. We spoke for a bit after that, before we all looked to were he tossed his lance. Before the feet of the young Leather Worker. It caught my attention and the attention of most of us there. The arrival starting building up as the Elder Warrior got into a heated talk with the Young Leather Worker. I meant no disrespect but it seemed like a petty take to be having with a woman. He should have told one of the men of her wagon to deal with this issue over talking about someone. Who really cared? Women talk to damn much sometimes in general. By then we had a nice big gathering, I tried to change the subject with a lighter talk of my own needs. I needed Vulo. Me and the young Leather worker talked of a trade as Kam went on to speak about this issue again with the Ubar. I have to say, I couldn't help but chuckle when I heard the offended person was...a kaiila. Its one thing to love your kaiila, but don't Love your Kaiila. I thought this person was a son or Brother. It was a Beast. Sorry Cure, but I don't give an Urt's ass who speaks of you. The talk turned more intense when it switched to something of more importance. I didn't know Tarra's Father well enough to form a solid opinion, but what I heard was to a good base for me to build one on. It wouldn't be getting off the ground. I am very sensitive about those that just destroy life. For one who will toss a lance before a woman as if in a challenge over the honor of a kaiila, but would quickly take a quiva to an Ubara. I wasn't getting any of it. The rest of the night lead me into a quiet state, as ranks were stripped, slaves changed hands, Tarra left in an emotional mess, as did Cana. I could understand both.

I would check on Cana tomorrow, Tarra, I think its time I paid up on wagers. Perhaps it will left her spirits. I could only imagine the dishonor and confusion she might be feeling.

)(

I had figured it out. I had been asking many to find me herlit feathers. I was great at outsourcing to get what I need when I was having overloads of patients. I thought I would look through those freshly brought to me, and something would tell me which would be the right one. For some reason, the answer came to me, while I was on patrol. I was at the post just outside our lands, letting Cure have his head and pace the grounds, as we were both alert in the light of the stars and moons. Seeing wings overhead be the only break in the light, was when it, all made sense. I felt like some young man bringing in his first kill. I had figured it out, like the wager was based on a riddle. For some odd reason, I pondered if Tarra would be impressed. I got it. Or of how I would interpret it. In inner chuckle cleared my head of it. Here and now. Looking out across the night, did I see something, just as soon as there was a low growl in the breeze from Kado. It was small, thin legged. I sent Kado out to bring it to me. It would be a fitting task, as I had been working with him in herding at night. I was looking around for any hint of any others that might be around, for this was obviously a woman. She was wearing torn clothing, not of a slave, I did a quick assessment once the girl was brought back to me, by the young dark sleen. She was speaking, screaming, which I took no heed to her, but would send off Kado to search the grounds, while I entertained myself with tearing the bits of cloth from her body, and bind her to my saddle. She was lucky I was just doing another round before going back, or I would have kept her bound to the back of my saddle for the rest of my patrol. I took her back to my wagons, and found that she was no stranger to slavery, even if her clothing had told tales of something different, her body and soul didn't.

I was impressed, very much so, at her strive to learn and adjust. I am not an easy man to serve, but in time, she will adjust to my schedule. Over the days that have pasted, I think her and Tasha learned a lesson. One that you respect what is mine. Takara's ignorance was Tasha's mistake. I think the strikes of my displeasure was an impact on Takara, but the beating she received later, was a lesson to her. Jealous behavior would not be okay when it came to the well being of what is mine. I blamed Tasha for Takara being to stupid to feed herself. You are not in the city anymore, eat to work, eat to work harder. Drink to stay strong, be smart. I think she is use to coddling Dwellers that like to puppet their slaves every motions. Here, slaves had to think. After that, I doubt there as any issues anymore. At least on the minor stuff. I have heard some pleased with her. This makes me proud. She is a vessel of heat and passion, yet, yearns to do better. I see it in her actions. She is beautiful. I have yet to see what the core of her desires, right now I just have seen the generic slave. A slut that serves in want. I want to see what her heart has to say, not any past imprints of others, I want to see, her. There are times I wonder if I see that glow of pure self. I have noticed with Dweller slaves that come over, that glow is a mere wet wick barely holding a flame. Self has been taken out of them, but after time, it starts to show, in a life that needs personality. Like here on the plains. I feel almost excited to see it shine. To peel away the layers of past and find, the being that has been dressed and trained in palms of many. I can't find fault in it all, for she brings me water with cloths when I sit. Such a simple gesture, makes me feel at home with her. I watch her walk, and it stirs me. Not like a common lust, but with a pride of owning a girl that seems to have a heat that wraps around her body as naturally as her own skin. I think of my name craved into her skin, that when any touch or use her, enjoy this vessel of insatiable passion, when she is fucked, its my name she feels bleeding against her flesh. Mine.

She was there, when the strangest thing happened to me. It was like everything around me stopped. There was just, me, her and the hand. I know I was talking I know she was talking, I know Takara was talking. I was fixing the hand. I was very worried about the hand. The owner of the hand, I liked, a lot. She was very caring, almost had this mothering feel, that brought me comfort, even if she was giving that soothing compassion to someone else. I wanted to fix her hand, make her happy. Heal her so she can again rock the anguish away from all that encounter her. I wondered if she knew, it wasn't just the binds of colored wool she could knot, and make warm and safe. Even with this, I scolded her like a child. Perhaps a daughter. At my age, it was an obvious feeling. But...She. She was haunting me. Just there, touching the hand while I worked so hard to repair it. I brushed the side of her fingers, just in a moment of picking up a thin bone needle and thread. I felt a warmth, a memory. I worked, and I looked up, to her eyes, and my mind spoke, though not my lips. 'Do you know I feel in love with the feel of you, generations before you were born? A feel that has nothing to do with touch? Did you know that?' I felt a firm growl of inner sleen of logic telling me...to stop. I finished up my stitching, telling myself to avoid those eyes. They were too wise. Did not my heart seem to be concerned when she was off on a journey? It did. But the growl told me, not to worry about the Ubar's woman. He had that well taken care of, foolish man. I dismissed it then, why was I having issues now? Ignore it. We joked and laughed, in our world. The Weaver, was a joy. The line of sanity I needed, along with the brush of flesh of my girl. She had no idea how I used her to center myself with the reality of here and now. We walked the Weaver to her wagon, still a bit off on her balance. I let her, held the Weaver in her sleeping furs while I waited outside the wagon to walk her back towards the first fires. I looked to her, as we said our Be Wells. I wondered, if she felt it? Do you feel it? I wanted to know. Sanity was waiting for me at my wagons, I had to find it. I ran to it.

I fucked it with such violence, I think neither of us will look at blue ribbons ever the same, and I slept with her blood still at my tongue. And a rage that was brewing deep in my dreams.

)(

There is this overwhelming feeling of comfort when you step into the grounds of your own wagons. It could be after a long trip, Battle, Raids, or as in my case, a long day of working, meeting patients, I went out and cut a bosk, older, she not longer gave milk and no longer gave calves. I thanked the Sky for such offerings, and put her down, having the girls work on the bulk, with a few of the younger daughters of patients that were willing to learn how to cut meat and get every part ready for drying, boiling, and trading. I was making sure there would be enough meat for trading for treated leather for clothing for me and the girls. The hide would be fitting for boots and jackets. The rest would be dried for jerky, bones for trading, hooves for boiling, and every part would bring in goods I needed to get ready for the move, which was not even being spoken of pending future, but I will be honest, my time is between patrol, patients, maintaining my herds of bosk and verr, and wagons. I didn't have time to work on rope, leather, or anything stable like that. I only did minor repairs on my wagons, the rest I traded out for. My girls were very good at making what I needed, but would let me know what was needed when it was low, or needed to be replaced. The bulk of such was placed on Tasha to keep all the wagons going and my two storage wagons in order. I had seven wagons total. Tori was either with me, or with patients. One of the reasons I am thinking of adding another slave to two. Probably the first time in a long time I thought about a mate. What woman would want to come into this? Busy mate. I think one of the major reasons I really thought of another. My ahn long mating no counted in that fact. I was home, about to head towards my wagon, forget about a meal having that fast forgotten the reason why I was coming straight home to begin with. It was a quick reminder seeing the slender outline of a very redheaded slave asleep on my steps. She looked so peaceful there. The soft part of her lips as she would take a deep breath in her dreams amused me. It was a nice bit of body, her skin intrigued me. For some reason, I thought of splatters of blood. Dried and smooth across leather like dotted stain designs. All over her body, I wanted to touch them, I wondered if I got close enough, would I see them move? I crouched in front of her, just watching her breath. The fine outline of her lips. The color of her hair against its frame of her face. It made it more appealing when she woke up startled, screaming. My girls were very amused, hearing something about it was the first time they have seen me make a girl scream with just a gaze. Making sure she was able to get herself together, she continued to amuse me. I noticed the lack of brand, the ring of bells that chimed in soft background of her scream.

Fresh meat.

I walked to the fires to eat. I needed to say nothing, my girls knew what I wanted, what to bring, how to bring it. Both made sure to be seen, waiting for any beckon or wants for me. Right now, my eyes were on the girl that followed carefully. Her eyes told of wanting to say something. Of needing to. I liked making her wait. If one watches the actions of one waiting long enough, you can almost see and hear the beat of the heart against the chest. I finally allowed her to show me what she brought. Very nice gifts from the Ubar and his woman for the care of Cana. I would examine them in greater detail later. Right now, to me, this girl, was a gift also. I liked the noises she made when I touched her. I finally allowed her to tell me what she wanted to know. Her words...as amusing at they were, seemed to feed into that restlessness. It caused me to really notice its feeling. It forced me to. I no longer saw her, heard her, I felt her warmth, and tasted the flow of blood that was rushing across her pulse. All I could do was stand up, take a handful of red locks, and drag her ass with me, to my..work wagon. It was back behind my storage wagons. Very rare I take a slave that wasn't my own back here, to entertain me. My girls loved it. Begged for it. Dropping her to the ground, I looked around it, lighting the candles. I have not used it in sometime. It was still clean and ready for me. The girls made sure of it. It was designed for both of my skilled......trades. For me to stay keen and knowledgeable. There are times, though it has been awhile, when I purchase or am given a slave for just that deed. Warriors bring me girls found unworthy to work on my cuts and examine the body with. Most, are left to be tossed to the sleens when I am finished. Tori had no issues cleaning up after me. It would help in many things. How much blood can be lost while repairing different injuries before death. It was really better on slave girls cause they were smaller, and had less muscle then Warriors. So I would know the short time and be able to do so with someone who might have more of an allowance. There are times when I want to see, what organs I can repair, which there is no hope for.

Tonight was not for that. It was for the other. The desire for me to see suffering. To feel its pain sweated through flesh. A body to plead, and my enjoyment to give nothing, but take everything. I Wish To Take. I found myself locked in a deep fantasy of mine. The way I welcomed my own girls to my wagon. To take a Dwellers Freewoman and see her ripped from the core of flesh and birth of pure passionate woman wanting, begging, desiring to be found, worthy. Its that moment you can taste like you ripped the flesh and drank away that cold essence with your own lips. I enjoyed every ihn myself. I tasted her, I felt her, change. Once she was pleading, trembling, wet in a slaves need, I was done. I lost interest. She was not mine, I would not give anything else. I won't deny my own thought of waiting until she was snaked at my feet begging, to fuck her like the whore that was just birthed. Perhaps one day in the near future. Perhaps.

She gave just a lustful calm to my restlessness. It was still hungry but for something now, that knew my every want. I walked to my wagons, letting my girls taste the virginal flavor from my mouth. I told them once I was, as a whole, body and mind, sated, to release the girl, then send her home in the morning. Slept well. I guess the core was still thinking. I saw blood, running up a stone wall. I looked over where I stood, as I dreamed, and it was I, walking through the great gates of Turia.

)(

There is one thing I enjoy, the sound of family. My wagons are pretty quiet considering. There is just me and the girls in my bundle of home. The family next us were a group of three brothers who broke off from their family wagons, which honestly where behind us, and moved up next to me. It was fights, wagers and girls giggling and screaming out most of the nights. The ones to the other side, were an older couple who's grandchildren came during the day, but the nights were very quiet. I am boxed by my personal wagon, a slave wagon, and my two healing wagons, with the fire in the middle. I liked the sounds of the first wagons. There was many around. Camp slaves were all over the tribe, first and back wagons, but they seemed to be louder here. Happy. I did chuckle as I was on my way there, something about Silken's pink wagon amuses me. I feel like I should have something bright and standing out on my healing wagons. I will have to ask her who does her designing. I will pass on the pink but will have to see what else might be able to compete. Looking around the lay out of the wagons, it was as I would imagine any family wagons. Large family. I had been here before, but never took time to look over the lay out. Maybe I will close the space when I settle my wagons closer. It was a long process, the moving of wagons. The row, the entire row had to be moved and adjusted to make room for all my wagons. If I adjust them smaller then before, then I won't worry about wanting to fill them. Maybe when I was older, or that is what I said to the women I see who suggest mating age daughters to me. Maybe when I'm older and ready to settle again. It was a common joke. I walked up to the two women talking. Tarra and Cana. I said I had to do an examination and she seemed shy about it. I asked Tarra to join us and she asked also. I assured her I would never go into a wagon alone with a woman, without another one there. I am not here to make anyone to feel uncomfortable. I checked her over, was asking questions that made her emotions flare. I wanted to see how her breathing changed with the feelings. She was thin, pale, and still very emotional. I expected all of these things. In honesty, she was doing good, but still needed to rest. I try to bring up some lighter feelings once I got her on edge. It seemed to work as she calmed down. Rest, food, and water. She really needed that over anything else. A slow introduction to food, and again. Rest. Rest. Rest.

I left there, slowly walking out find the Ubar to give my report. Of course I let Rook know also. I had no doubt between the Ubar, Rook, and Tarra, no issues would come from anything I asked. There was a small redhead waiting for me at my wagons. She had looked for me earlier and I told her I would be there after the settle of the third moon. I was looking forward to see what this persistent girl wanted. I paused to talk to Jaron for some time. He said he thought his young mate was with child. I asked him, what gave him that idea? She got upset when he got home the other night, something she never does. Saying he took extra patrols so he doesn't have to come home and be a good mate. To spend time with her. Then he woke up with her gone, and his ankle chained to the wall, where he use to chain girls before he was mated, by his sleeping furs. He waited until I finished laughing, and trying to breath, to give me a very serious look. He wanted me to go ask her. He was afraid to go back to his wagon, much less sleep there again. She had left him, and took every key in the wagon with her. She hung them by the entrance flap for him to see.

Again, he had to wait for me to get the vision out of my head, before he could once more continue. He spoke of having to use quiva to pry the brace from the wagon wall. It took 2 ahns. He walked across the wagon for the keys dragging the chains to get the hanging ring, and not any of them matched. She had the key and he had no idea where she was. He figured she went to her parents wagon for the day, which was further towards the back. He wasn't in the mood to deal with her wrath anymore and stayed there, with the chains hidden under his leathers until he went on patrol. He spoke of the links making noise every time the kaiila moved. I looked down to...see, he shook his head and said he got a forge wagon member to get it off. Minor burns, he wanted me to check them out later. Right now, just find his woman and talk to her. He was...afraid.

I gave him my promise to look for her in the morning, telling him to put some salve on the burns, don't wrap them tonight, and he should be okay. I knew her parents, good people. Right now, there was something more interesting at home, and I was ready to see just what that was.