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It was a long day. It was a long and hard day. I asked Astar, to be so kind, as to watch Niyati for me. I would come get her later. She was more then happy to, for what I have done for Mezoo. She went on about how its was the least she could do, that kind of stuff, I think babysitting I would be the one owing her. Not sure what the rate for such is. A verr a hand? That would be a herd by just a couple moons. Jeeze, never thought on this before now. Good thing I had a large herd, as though it was still fresh in the sorting of family finding family, none had seen the girls parents yet. But I promised Natalia, I would see they were taken care of until they were found. It might not be until we were all riding the clouds of the Sky, but a promise is a promise. I like to pretend when I look at them, that they might really be my daughters. That Fatigue was my enemy. One I was fighting all day. There was too many I needed to see, to let it win. I wouldn't get an ehn of sleep with their faces in my mind. Natalia was the perfect companion during the early part of the day. She had the bandage rolls out and sang to the children when I had to change their burn wrappings. She would play "Peek-A-Boo" with them and each time I found myself fascinated with the game as much as the child she was playing it with. So much so, she would give me a tap on the elbow to remind me...to work. Such simple things that bring joy. Not sure why, but I longed for such simple happiness. There was a lot that made me happy, but I wanted to have simple happy with someone else!

I really wasn't sure what to do with little girls I could braid, so helping Natalia with her hair wasn't to hard. It would have been easier if it wasn't so long. She could do it herself but she said it was the way she use to love starting her day, her mother brushing and braiding her hair. There was only a few muffled giggles from the girls as I was trying to do it the first few times. Hair on the scalp of a little girl can't be pulled as hard as braiding reins or rope. That was the first thing I learned. The second thing was, with really long hair, if you don't keep pulling it out, it starts to knot at the bottom. So I was slowly backing up as I worked and I felt like a fool, but then, she would hug me, thank me and say lets go get to work. That...was the greatest of rewards to me. As for clothing, there was the dress she had on when I found her, after a few days of it, even the girls were tisking me. I didn't have time or means to find someone to make some clothing, so I compromised. I took one of my longer tunics, cut the sleeves short, put a windscarf around her waist as a belt....looked like a dress to me. She didn't seem to care much. I thought she looked fine. As for the baby, she didn't need clothing. It was hot out.

We were seeing to a Mother with four girls, all near Natalia's age. She enjoyed playing with them, so much...I asked the Mother if I could leave her there for a while to play. She was happy to keep her for me. Said its nice to hear her girls laugh and smile. Her mate and sons were helping with the damages, as they were wagon builders, and the girls were missing them. Still shaken from everything. I could see Natalia wanted to stay in her eyes, but she felt an obligation to come with me. I made it easy, I needed her to stay and watch the girls for me. If they didn't seem to be having fun playing maybe I should look them over. Smoke can go to the head. Okay, little lie, but it was what she needed. Someone so young, needed to be a child also.

I finished up changing bandages, leaving jar's of salve, checking a few newborns, and sitting with some who lost mates. It was early evening by the time I went to pick up Natalia. The woman's girls all asked if she could stay the night at their wagon. For some reason, I wanted to say no. I was a little shocked at my own first thought. For some reason I was afraid something might happen if I wasn't there to make sure she was safe. Of course I said yes. She needed that. I kissed her forehead and told her to behave, thought I knew she would. I thanked the Mother, and started towards wagons that were being unloaded. I was helping move crates, it felt good. Hands on labor. I was just feeling the burn, feeling like I wanted to. Until I grabbed a crate the wrong way and I felt my shoulder blade lock up. I wouldn't show it, and still moved it to the wagon with the burn as hot as the flames. No weakness. I moved a few more until I had to excuse myself, and reached over make sure I didn't tear a muscle. Didn't seem so. Just pulled.

I felt another strong hint of disappointment. I wanted to go back and finish unloading that wagon, I wanted Natalia to be at the wagon, nagging the girls, telling me what people she felt we should see tomorrow first. I wanted, company. Even if I was tired, I needed company. I headed towards the new grounds of the central fires, and no one was there yet. I expected it. Considering. The days were long, most that had families were with them. I got to thinking about how I should have went to the stream and soaked my shoulder, perhaps went to check on a few more people before it got overly late. I have to say, hearing Mezoo's voice just slice away the evening of such feeling of longing, was like the welcome of a dream come true. We played around with a bit of palm reading, and I kissed the warmth of her palm. I was happy. I was just surrounded with this feeling of perfection, like it was what it should be. I hadn't had this in so long. I felt a need to care, I got her food, tried to get her to eat, water, I wanted to nurture. I was wrapped up in this capture of feeling. This want, just soaking in its warmth. Not sure when it hit home. I was starting to get it. I enjoyed seeing the people, the voices, I was trying to fixate on anything but Mezoo. Once she put the Weavers brother between us, I got it. Was my pride hurt? Yes. I wasn't angry as I was angry at myself. What a fool I had been. Did I read everything wrong? The moment of a woman awakening from a near death experience, of course she would want someone's hand to hold on to. I let my own wants..cloud my own better judgement. I knew, something had separated her and Ubar. Maybe she wasn't ready, I thought she found comfort in me. I thought....what I clearly wanted to think. She wasn't ready, I was. I wanted it so bad, could I have made the illusion? Sky's I wanted to say I was sorry to Mezoo. I am sorry for doing something she had no idea what I had done. I was angry she didn't respond to me. How dare you make me feel like I was the one. This was real! The cold shoulder of others around, was it a clue? A reality that I expected the world from the touch of fingers. I wanted this woman from a cup of hands. Ongel, Man, get your head together. I thanked the weaver for the bundles of bandages and blankets she had brought. I had to leave. We had talked about Tarra, everyone's worry of her. How they wanted to gang up and force her to rest, I had gave them the advice of, You can't make anyone do anything` unless they really wanted to. Right now, I needed to take my own advice.

I just walked off. I hoped she would come see me. She would follow cause she knew I needed..to be wanted tonight. That even Warriors wanted someone to care for them. To make them feel, special, loved, desired, and craved. A love on an equal level. To want to touch my fingers before all and let them know, our bond, was something that we wanted the Sky and all around us to see.

Fuck me.

Dream Ongel, Dreamer. You are not a story teller. Get you head out of the clouds. I needed reality. I needed something real. I needed...to be wanted. It was late, I went to the wagons of Oren. She was there, wise woman, she didn't let Astar debate that Niyati had just fallen asleep. She told her to get Niyati for me. Taking Niyati, for once, no questions, her big eyes looking to me, as if to ask...why? She would give a cry of protest, as I took her from the warmth of a loving woman's arms, but it was okay, the noise was welcomed. I thanked them both, and headed back to my wagons. Sitting on the step closest to the fire, I put her on my lap, and those huge brown eyes were filled with tired tears. I did the only thing I could think of. I played Peek-A-Boo with her, and for the first time ever...for me, she smiled, she laughed. I did too. I think played until she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. But she fell asleep with a smile. I carried her to the furs by the other side of the fire, with her in my arms against my chest, I leaned back on the furs, I fell asleep thinking, this..is how life should be.