I was nervous. Not sure why I was so nervous, just one of those worried type of nervousness. I needed to ask Oren and Astar to watch the girls for me while we were moving. I know my slaves are busy during the move and I usually give payment of trades for Son's in the age between soft clear cheeks and those ready to feel the scar of manhood, of friends and patients, to drive my wagons, and keep my verr herd going. That way the girls could help in patient wagons and I could travel other wagons freely to make sure some are holding up for the trip. Now I had the girls to worry about. I had for many evenings to get Natalia to tell me about her parents. She never would, always changing the subject to a patient we saw earlier that day or one she felt should be seen first thing in the morning. She has been very helpful at telling me about the stock in my wagon, what needed to be replaced and what needed to used first. This told me a lot. Someone close to her was a healer. If not her parents, perhaps a grandparent or older sibling. Someone taught her a lot. Not a word she would speak of it. I had asked a few of the healers around, hoping someone would see her and recognize her. No one had. Not that I wanted the girls to leave my wagons, this showed at how lax I had become on the search and started to think of the future with them. I figured, maybe she saw the flames consume her parents, or whoever was caring for her and her sister. They didn't look very much alike, but that meant nothing. Some siblings didn't. Natalia would be considered a lighter skinned Tuchuk, as we ranged from light to deeply tanned in flesh. Her eyes were light, not as light as my own, but would be called a light brown. Her hair very long, and brown. Thick and straight. Niyati, had dark brown eyes. Huge ones, she was darker then her older sister, and had darker hair, thin and wavy.
At the stream the other night, I had a long talk with Tarra. It felt good to talk. Get some things off my chest and mind while I check out her legs. She was a good woman, when it came to understanding. She said she would send over some dresses her girls use to wear when they were younger. Her legs are healing good. Its a long process but they were getting there. A few days later, I talked with others, who offered some goods for the girls also. Its a blessing, for honestly I had nothing, and Oren already scolded me like a young boy about wrapping Niyati in cut tunic sleeves I removed for Natalia's dresses to use as diapering. It made sense to me. Women sometimes don't understand the simplicity of thought, of men. If it works, use it. I asked Fonce how to ask the two women to watch the girls for me. Would they be okay with it? Should I? I know there was feelings of worry with one of the Son's missing. I didn't want to add to any weight of that alone by leaving the girls to be cared for. I needed to know they would be safe. I didn't want either to be lost in the wagons without someone to embrace and feel comfortable with. 'I' needed that comfort. I walked over to their wagons, with some sweets one of my patients made for me. Honey cookies, that were thick and soft. Still warm. I sat, drank blackwine and ate one as I asked. Not sure why I was so worried. Astar looked like she was about to answer, with the smile it lightened my mood before I saw the elder, Oren lift her hand to keep Astar quiet. I think I felt myself swallow back down a lump of heart that worked its way back down. Shit. She asked me one question, it was enough to make a Warrior's eyes almost mist with emotion.
"What are you really asking us to do?"
I answered truthfully. Words I didn't want to speak, but she was right, they needed to be spoken so I wouldn't ride out with them being a bother to the back of my mind. She was good. Damn good. For some reason I felt like she knew I needed that question. I needed to be forced to answer it out loud, to myself, not just for them. I did so. I said I needed them to tell me not only that they will watch the girls for the move, and keep them safe, but also that if I don't return, for any reason, they will be raised and taken care of fully. I needed them to know if I died for any reason, or found myself injured so badly I wouldn't be able to provide for them, that they would do the best thing for the girls and keep them. That my herd, my wealth of trades in my supply wagons all belonged to the girls, for the brief time they have been with me, has given me a taste of something I have always wanted. To care for and raise children. I turned my face from the fire to collect my thoughts after I said it. It was more powerful then I thought it would be, because it exposed a tender side of me that even I struggled with sometimes. I wasn't sure how to work and handle this delicate emotion. It seemed to be a good enough answer as Oren nodded and said for me to bring the girls over in the morning. Don't forget their clothing and favorite furs. I promised I wouldn't, exhaling deeply as I thanked both warmly and started back to my wagons. I was wondering how I would explain it to Natalia. For some reason I felt that worry again, that it might upset her. I found I was right. She was very upset. She has always been so mature and strong since I first found her in my wagon with the others. Now she was stomping and throwing blankets, making Niyati cry and blaming me for making the baby cry. She didn't want to go, she wanted to stay and ride with me. She could help me, she would keep up, she promised. Please don't send her off. Her tears ripped my heart to shreds. I tried to talk to her, tell her I was sorry, but I needed to do this. If I didn't, I would be so worried about her and Niyati. I wouldn't be able to work cause I would have to have both beside me. Really, could she see what might happen as we are trying to put some poor Warrior's fingers back in place cause of some freak accident and the teething Niyati constantly stealing a finger to gnaw on? That made her smile, before she sniffled, and came into my offered arm, as the other was rocking Niyati back to sleep. She fell asleep there, having tired herself out in the fit.
This to me, was perfection. By morning I had gotten their things together in small leather satchels. Tori had their breakfast ready so we could all eat together. It was a good meal, I enjoyed watching Tasha play herlit coming for a landing to get Niyati to get some eggs. Natalia gave me a list of people she wanted to make sure I would check on since she wasn't there to remind me. I promised I would. After our meal, Tori went to get things washed and packed. Tasha helped carry the girls stuff over, their clothing, furs, head pillows, and a few toys we have gotten from others for the girls to play with. Astar was waiting for me, happy to take Niyati from my, went to show Tasha where to put their things. I reached around from my back and pulled the strap from over my head. She hadn't noticed I was wearing two straps instead of my usual one. I had a small back satchel made just like mine. It was perfect for Natalia. I had it filled with basic healing items. I put it on her and tears ran down her small cheeks. I told her, to be brave and help with her sister. If any of the women needed anything or anyone near the wagons, I knew she would be able to handle it. Natalia embraced me, giving me a kiss on the cheek, as she thanked me. Astar took her hand, and lead her towards the wagon. I was happy she did so, for a moment I felt myself about to give in and say I would take Natalia with me. I knew it would slow me down, I knew it would have been a bad idea. I just didn't want to see her cry.
I walked away, after a wave to them all, exhaling. I had no idea, being a parent in any fashion, was so hard on the soul.
At the stream the other night, I had a long talk with Tarra. It felt good to talk. Get some things off my chest and mind while I check out her legs. She was a good woman, when it came to understanding. She said she would send over some dresses her girls use to wear when they were younger. Her legs are healing good. Its a long process but they were getting there. A few days later, I talked with others, who offered some goods for the girls also. Its a blessing, for honestly I had nothing, and Oren already scolded me like a young boy about wrapping Niyati in cut tunic sleeves I removed for Natalia's dresses to use as diapering. It made sense to me. Women sometimes don't understand the simplicity of thought, of men. If it works, use it. I asked Fonce how to ask the two women to watch the girls for me. Would they be okay with it? Should I? I know there was feelings of worry with one of the Son's missing. I didn't want to add to any weight of that alone by leaving the girls to be cared for. I needed to know they would be safe. I didn't want either to be lost in the wagons without someone to embrace and feel comfortable with. 'I' needed that comfort. I walked over to their wagons, with some sweets one of my patients made for me. Honey cookies, that were thick and soft. Still warm. I sat, drank blackwine and ate one as I asked. Not sure why I was so worried. Astar looked like she was about to answer, with the smile it lightened my mood before I saw the elder, Oren lift her hand to keep Astar quiet. I think I felt myself swallow back down a lump of heart that worked its way back down. Shit. She asked me one question, it was enough to make a Warrior's eyes almost mist with emotion.
"What are you really asking us to do?"
I answered truthfully. Words I didn't want to speak, but she was right, they needed to be spoken so I wouldn't ride out with them being a bother to the back of my mind. She was good. Damn good. For some reason I felt like she knew I needed that question. I needed to be forced to answer it out loud, to myself, not just for them. I did so. I said I needed them to tell me not only that they will watch the girls for the move, and keep them safe, but also that if I don't return, for any reason, they will be raised and taken care of fully. I needed them to know if I died for any reason, or found myself injured so badly I wouldn't be able to provide for them, that they would do the best thing for the girls and keep them. That my herd, my wealth of trades in my supply wagons all belonged to the girls, for the brief time they have been with me, has given me a taste of something I have always wanted. To care for and raise children. I turned my face from the fire to collect my thoughts after I said it. It was more powerful then I thought it would be, because it exposed a tender side of me that even I struggled with sometimes. I wasn't sure how to work and handle this delicate emotion. It seemed to be a good enough answer as Oren nodded and said for me to bring the girls over in the morning. Don't forget their clothing and favorite furs. I promised I wouldn't, exhaling deeply as I thanked both warmly and started back to my wagons. I was wondering how I would explain it to Natalia. For some reason I felt that worry again, that it might upset her. I found I was right. She was very upset. She has always been so mature and strong since I first found her in my wagon with the others. Now she was stomping and throwing blankets, making Niyati cry and blaming me for making the baby cry. She didn't want to go, she wanted to stay and ride with me. She could help me, she would keep up, she promised. Please don't send her off. Her tears ripped my heart to shreds. I tried to talk to her, tell her I was sorry, but I needed to do this. If I didn't, I would be so worried about her and Niyati. I wouldn't be able to work cause I would have to have both beside me. Really, could she see what might happen as we are trying to put some poor Warrior's fingers back in place cause of some freak accident and the teething Niyati constantly stealing a finger to gnaw on? That made her smile, before she sniffled, and came into my offered arm, as the other was rocking Niyati back to sleep. She fell asleep there, having tired herself out in the fit.
This to me, was perfection. By morning I had gotten their things together in small leather satchels. Tori had their breakfast ready so we could all eat together. It was a good meal, I enjoyed watching Tasha play herlit coming for a landing to get Niyati to get some eggs. Natalia gave me a list of people she wanted to make sure I would check on since she wasn't there to remind me. I promised I would. After our meal, Tori went to get things washed and packed. Tasha helped carry the girls stuff over, their clothing, furs, head pillows, and a few toys we have gotten from others for the girls to play with. Astar was waiting for me, happy to take Niyati from my, went to show Tasha where to put their things. I reached around from my back and pulled the strap from over my head. She hadn't noticed I was wearing two straps instead of my usual one. I had a small back satchel made just like mine. It was perfect for Natalia. I had it filled with basic healing items. I put it on her and tears ran down her small cheeks. I told her, to be brave and help with her sister. If any of the women needed anything or anyone near the wagons, I knew she would be able to handle it. Natalia embraced me, giving me a kiss on the cheek, as she thanked me. Astar took her hand, and lead her towards the wagon. I was happy she did so, for a moment I felt myself about to give in and say I would take Natalia with me. I knew it would slow me down, I knew it would have been a bad idea. I just didn't want to see her cry.
I walked away, after a wave to them all, exhaling. I had no idea, being a parent in any fashion, was so hard on the soul.
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