Power

Perfection before my eyes.

Never let go of a good friend.

What is this thing called love?

)(

Getting the wagons moving, went as they do. Sadly it was easier then usual. Less wagons, less people, less creatures. It was harder cause the weight was heavier in emotions as we started away from the grounds that were still strong in the smell of the aftermath of the fire. I got the wagons of those injured going towards the front, so that even in the slow pace of bosk, they would be moving in flow with the wagons never wavering from their protection. I stayed towards the back personally on the first day, near the healer clan wagons to be able to keep the supplies stocked in saddle bags for all those who would be keeping along the lines. The feeling was heavy on me, many feelings. Its hard to sort them to just one, as some were old ones surfacing again like a nightmare others were new, and still trying to keep control of them. Most of my life I have spent in struggle with myself. My inner fight makes me dwell so deeply in my clan. I want to save so many, to where I still can't save myself. I fight against my own blood, my own flesh, even the essence of my manhood though the scars that lined my face told all, I needed to prove nothing to anyone but those who felt I earned each one. I had not lived this long by making foolish mistakes, or making all the right choices. The Sky felt I still needed to learn and that is what I was doing. Maybe she was waiting for me to finally figure out and find peace in myself. Would she allow me to live hundreds of more years if I do? Or will she finally allow me to rest. I didn't think to hard on the outcome, but knew I had to find some ground within, to find a calm plain of being happy with the man I was.

I don't know if it is why I have longed for a mate lately? I wanted to feel, embrace, true Tuchuk blood that would call me Father. Making me feel truly a woven fiber of this tribe. I was a man, a Tuchuk, a Warrior, a Healer, now I wanted to feel all of these things. Why did blood drive me so insane? Had I not killed with my own hands, felt the blood and fade of pulse from those I was born to? Yes I had. I have no doubt I would again before it was my time to see who truly was waiting for me in the Sky. There was only usual wounds of moving this day. Falling off kaiila's, debris from cracked wheels, children trying to jump from one wagon to another, or slaves to close to moving wheels. So there was always broken bones here and there, wounds to stitch some to bandage, bones to set, it was all in a day's work. When it was time to call for the halt, I went to help with bosk, parking wagons, head counts, restocking again, and assessing any who were ill prior and double checking the rest.

Once I had time, the first thing I did, was go find Natalia and Niyati. Astar and Oren welcomed me to share the meal with the girls, and Natalia told me how she had explained how rubbing goat milk and oil against to flesh to Oren would make her look younger. Soon she would have young Warriors lining up to whisk her away. I was speechless for an ehn, not sure where that came from. Nothing I taught her, but I didn't scold her either. It made me wonder a bit on her past, sounds like something an older Sister or Mother would tell young girls. Perhaps they were gatherers. They knew well oils and plants. Even uses for everything from milk to butter to oils for the sky. I would often go get their advice. It would explain some of her medical knowledge, for they had vast information that helped the healing clan beyond words. It was nice to eat, and laugh. It was a warm feeling of family. I hated to leave. I did. Natalia cried, wanting to come with me, and I told her, I wouldn't be able to help any, as long as I was worrying about her. Her and Niyati there with Oren and Astar brought me peace.

I left with that new feeling bothering me. I cared so much for the girls already. Everyday there was fear of their Family's return. How selfish of me. I went to the fires a bit, my restlessness didn't allow me to stay long. Yes, the children were on my mind, but it was more. A deeper conflict that I spent almost a hundred years fighting. Questioning. Why was it freshly aroused now? The fires brought more then its rage on the land, the tribe and our display of showing how we will live and survive. It brought conflict in the man I am. Having a dick doesn't truly make me a male of Tribe. For only a male that lives past his scars, and shows being worthy of a name, and skill to be one of a clan, is truly a Warrior of Tribe.

My pure Paravaci blood and name mark me more then the scars across my body when I tired to remove my own skin. Bleed out the blood I didn't want. My compassionate heart makes me as skilled as my mind and hands. I know how precious life is. I have been trained to give and take it away. I have given my breath to this tribe, and consider myself a Tuchuk Warrior in title earn, though not born to. I find my body contorting in twisted feeling of being a Warrior and a healer. I want to fight and protect. I want to kill and raid. I find myself more at the whims of wagons and tears. Blood and flesh, in molding life, preserving it. Honorable, yes, for the Sky gave me these gifts and I thank Her by never letting wound be left open to the elements.

The fire showed me such conflict, I was feeling the inner man wanting to rip away the healer skin, and ride towards the fire, dig a trench, pulled out barrels, risk my life to see another bosk and wagon were saved. Other men were there. Not I. I was in the wagons, salving burns, wrapping limbs, stopping the rain of blood that seemed endless that day. Could it be the rested nights of retired mask that heightens this conflict? I have no idea. Then I felt like a foot solder of my Ubar. I don't have less obedience now to this Ubar as I did back then to the ones of the far past. I have less a personal knowledge. Coming to the first wagons made me embrace this. Perhaps why I feel a pull to go to Turia to burn, rape, pillage. Or was it something deeper? I wanted to feel all man again. Bath in the blood of people I despise. I would never take a Paravaci slave. Or touch one. Yet, I blame their men, a man, all Paravaci men. For making me feel like their mirror image.

These hands, these healing hands, I hate them. I want them coarse, burned and calloused from a life time of hard work. I work no less then any other man, I know, but my mind for some reason refuses to let me accept this. I didn't know who to turn to. Who would make this go away. Did not my Father tell me there is honor in what we do? We were all born on a path we learn to walk forward on. Even when it was so steep we thought we wouldn't make it. Respect this. I am trying Father. I don't know why, these feelings are haunting me again.

)(

I was nervous. Not sure why I was so nervous, just one of those worried type of nervousness. I needed to ask Oren and Astar to watch the girls for me while we were moving. I know my slaves are busy during the move and I usually give payment of trades for Son's in the age between soft clear cheeks and those ready to feel the scar of manhood, of friends and patients, to drive my wagons, and keep my verr herd going. That way the girls could help in patient wagons and I could travel other wagons freely to make sure some are holding up for the trip. Now I had the girls to worry about. I had for many evenings to get Natalia to tell me about her parents. She never would, always changing the subject to a patient we saw earlier that day or one she felt should be seen first thing in the morning. She has been very helpful at telling me about the stock in my wagon, what needed to be replaced and what needed to used first. This told me a lot. Someone close to her was a healer. If not her parents, perhaps a grandparent or older sibling. Someone taught her a lot. Not a word she would speak of it. I had asked a few of the healers around, hoping someone would see her and recognize her. No one had. Not that I wanted the girls to leave my wagons, this showed at how lax I had become on the search and started to think of the future with them. I figured, maybe she saw the flames consume her parents, or whoever was caring for her and her sister. They didn't look very much alike, but that meant nothing. Some siblings didn't. Natalia would be considered a lighter skinned Tuchuk, as we ranged from light to deeply tanned in flesh. Her eyes were light, not as light as my own, but would be called a light brown. Her hair very long, and brown. Thick and straight. Niyati, had dark brown eyes. Huge ones, she was darker then her older sister, and had darker hair, thin and wavy.

At the stream the other night, I had a long talk with Tarra. It felt good to talk. Get some things off my chest and mind while I check out her legs. She was a good woman, when it came to understanding. She said she would send over some dresses her girls use to wear when they were younger. Her legs are healing good. Its a long process but they were getting there. A few days later, I talked with others, who offered some goods for the girls also. Its a blessing, for honestly I had nothing, and Oren already scolded me like a young boy about wrapping Niyati in cut tunic sleeves I removed for Natalia's dresses to use as diapering. It made sense to me. Women sometimes don't understand the simplicity of thought, of men. If it works, use it. I asked Fonce how to ask the two women to watch the girls for me. Would they be okay with it? Should I? I know there was feelings of worry with one of the Son's missing. I didn't want to add to any weight of that alone by leaving the girls to be cared for. I needed to know they would be safe. I didn't want either to be lost in the wagons without someone to embrace and feel comfortable with. 'I' needed that comfort. I walked over to their wagons, with some sweets one of my patients made for me. Honey cookies, that were thick and soft. Still warm. I sat, drank blackwine and ate one as I asked. Not sure why I was so worried. Astar looked like she was about to answer, with the smile it lightened my mood before I saw the elder, Oren lift her hand to keep Astar quiet. I think I felt myself swallow back down a lump of heart that worked its way back down. Shit. She asked me one question, it was enough to make a Warrior's eyes almost mist with emotion.

"What are you really asking us to do?"

I answered truthfully. Words I didn't want to speak, but she was right, they needed to be spoken so I wouldn't ride out with them being a bother to the back of my mind. She was good. Damn good. For some reason I felt like she knew I needed that question. I needed to be forced to answer it out loud, to myself, not just for them. I did so. I said I needed them to tell me not only that they will watch the girls for the move, and keep them safe, but also that if I don't return, for any reason, they will be raised and taken care of fully. I needed them to know if I died for any reason, or found myself injured so badly I wouldn't be able to provide for them, that they would do the best thing for the girls and keep them. That my herd, my wealth of trades in my supply wagons all belonged to the girls, for the brief time they have been with me, has given me a taste of something I have always wanted. To care for and raise children. I turned my face from the fire to collect my thoughts after I said it. It was more powerful then I thought it would be, because it exposed a tender side of me that even I struggled with sometimes. I wasn't sure how to work and handle this delicate emotion. It seemed to be a good enough answer as Oren nodded and said for me to bring the girls over in the morning. Don't forget their clothing and favorite furs. I promised I wouldn't, exhaling deeply as I thanked both warmly and started back to my wagons. I was wondering how I would explain it to Natalia. For some reason I felt that worry again, that it might upset her. I found I was right. She was very upset. She has always been so mature and strong since I first found her in my wagon with the others. Now she was stomping and throwing blankets, making Niyati cry and blaming me for making the baby cry. She didn't want to go, she wanted to stay and ride with me. She could help me, she would keep up, she promised. Please don't send her off. Her tears ripped my heart to shreds. I tried to talk to her, tell her I was sorry, but I needed to do this. If I didn't, I would be so worried about her and Niyati. I wouldn't be able to work cause I would have to have both beside me. Really, could she see what might happen as we are trying to put some poor Warrior's fingers back in place cause of some freak accident and the teething Niyati constantly stealing a finger to gnaw on? That made her smile, before she sniffled, and came into my offered arm, as the other was rocking Niyati back to sleep. She fell asleep there, having tired herself out in the fit.

This to me, was perfection. By morning I had gotten their things together in small leather satchels. Tori had their breakfast ready so we could all eat together. It was a good meal, I enjoyed watching Tasha play herlit coming for a landing to get Niyati to get some eggs. Natalia gave me a list of people she wanted to make sure I would check on since she wasn't there to remind me. I promised I would. After our meal, Tori went to get things washed and packed. Tasha helped carry the girls stuff over, their clothing, furs, head pillows, and a few toys we have gotten from others for the girls to play with. Astar was waiting for me, happy to take Niyati from my, went to show Tasha where to put their things. I reached around from my back and pulled the strap from over my head. She hadn't noticed I was wearing two straps instead of my usual one. I had a small back satchel made just like mine. It was perfect for Natalia. I had it filled with basic healing items. I put it on her and tears ran down her small cheeks. I told her, to be brave and help with her sister. If any of the women needed anything or anyone near the wagons, I knew she would be able to handle it. Natalia embraced me, giving me a kiss on the cheek, as she thanked me. Astar took her hand, and lead her towards the wagon. I was happy she did so, for a moment I felt myself about to give in and say I would take Natalia with me. I knew it would slow me down, I knew it would have been a bad idea. I just didn't want to see her cry.

I walked away, after a wave to them all, exhaling. I had no idea, being a parent in any fashion, was so hard on the soul.

)(

It was a long day. It was a long and hard day. I asked Astar, to be so kind, as to watch Niyati for me. I would come get her later. She was more then happy to, for what I have done for Mezoo. She went on about how its was the least she could do, that kind of stuff, I think babysitting I would be the one owing her. Not sure what the rate for such is. A verr a hand? That would be a herd by just a couple moons. Jeeze, never thought on this before now. Good thing I had a large herd, as though it was still fresh in the sorting of family finding family, none had seen the girls parents yet. But I promised Natalia, I would see they were taken care of until they were found. It might not be until we were all riding the clouds of the Sky, but a promise is a promise. I like to pretend when I look at them, that they might really be my daughters. That Fatigue was my enemy. One I was fighting all day. There was too many I needed to see, to let it win. I wouldn't get an ehn of sleep with their faces in my mind. Natalia was the perfect companion during the early part of the day. She had the bandage rolls out and sang to the children when I had to change their burn wrappings. She would play "Peek-A-Boo" with them and each time I found myself fascinated with the game as much as the child she was playing it with. So much so, she would give me a tap on the elbow to remind me...to work. Such simple things that bring joy. Not sure why, but I longed for such simple happiness. There was a lot that made me happy, but I wanted to have simple happy with someone else!

I really wasn't sure what to do with little girls I could braid, so helping Natalia with her hair wasn't to hard. It would have been easier if it wasn't so long. She could do it herself but she said it was the way she use to love starting her day, her mother brushing and braiding her hair. There was only a few muffled giggles from the girls as I was trying to do it the first few times. Hair on the scalp of a little girl can't be pulled as hard as braiding reins or rope. That was the first thing I learned. The second thing was, with really long hair, if you don't keep pulling it out, it starts to knot at the bottom. So I was slowly backing up as I worked and I felt like a fool, but then, she would hug me, thank me and say lets go get to work. That...was the greatest of rewards to me. As for clothing, there was the dress she had on when I found her, after a few days of it, even the girls were tisking me. I didn't have time or means to find someone to make some clothing, so I compromised. I took one of my longer tunics, cut the sleeves short, put a windscarf around her waist as a belt....looked like a dress to me. She didn't seem to care much. I thought she looked fine. As for the baby, she didn't need clothing. It was hot out.

We were seeing to a Mother with four girls, all near Natalia's age. She enjoyed playing with them, so much...I asked the Mother if I could leave her there for a while to play. She was happy to keep her for me. Said its nice to hear her girls laugh and smile. Her mate and sons were helping with the damages, as they were wagon builders, and the girls were missing them. Still shaken from everything. I could see Natalia wanted to stay in her eyes, but she felt an obligation to come with me. I made it easy, I needed her to stay and watch the girls for me. If they didn't seem to be having fun playing maybe I should look them over. Smoke can go to the head. Okay, little lie, but it was what she needed. Someone so young, needed to be a child also.

I finished up changing bandages, leaving jar's of salve, checking a few newborns, and sitting with some who lost mates. It was early evening by the time I went to pick up Natalia. The woman's girls all asked if she could stay the night at their wagon. For some reason, I wanted to say no. I was a little shocked at my own first thought. For some reason I was afraid something might happen if I wasn't there to make sure she was safe. Of course I said yes. She needed that. I kissed her forehead and told her to behave, thought I knew she would. I thanked the Mother, and started towards wagons that were being unloaded. I was helping move crates, it felt good. Hands on labor. I was just feeling the burn, feeling like I wanted to. Until I grabbed a crate the wrong way and I felt my shoulder blade lock up. I wouldn't show it, and still moved it to the wagon with the burn as hot as the flames. No weakness. I moved a few more until I had to excuse myself, and reached over make sure I didn't tear a muscle. Didn't seem so. Just pulled.

I felt another strong hint of disappointment. I wanted to go back and finish unloading that wagon, I wanted Natalia to be at the wagon, nagging the girls, telling me what people she felt we should see tomorrow first. I wanted, company. Even if I was tired, I needed company. I headed towards the new grounds of the central fires, and no one was there yet. I expected it. Considering. The days were long, most that had families were with them. I got to thinking about how I should have went to the stream and soaked my shoulder, perhaps went to check on a few more people before it got overly late. I have to say, hearing Mezoo's voice just slice away the evening of such feeling of longing, was like the welcome of a dream come true. We played around with a bit of palm reading, and I kissed the warmth of her palm. I was happy. I was just surrounded with this feeling of perfection, like it was what it should be. I hadn't had this in so long. I felt a need to care, I got her food, tried to get her to eat, water, I wanted to nurture. I was wrapped up in this capture of feeling. This want, just soaking in its warmth. Not sure when it hit home. I was starting to get it. I enjoyed seeing the people, the voices, I was trying to fixate on anything but Mezoo. Once she put the Weavers brother between us, I got it. Was my pride hurt? Yes. I wasn't angry as I was angry at myself. What a fool I had been. Did I read everything wrong? The moment of a woman awakening from a near death experience, of course she would want someone's hand to hold on to. I let my own wants..cloud my own better judgement. I knew, something had separated her and Ubar. Maybe she wasn't ready, I thought she found comfort in me. I thought....what I clearly wanted to think. She wasn't ready, I was. I wanted it so bad, could I have made the illusion? Sky's I wanted to say I was sorry to Mezoo. I am sorry for doing something she had no idea what I had done. I was angry she didn't respond to me. How dare you make me feel like I was the one. This was real! The cold shoulder of others around, was it a clue? A reality that I expected the world from the touch of fingers. I wanted this woman from a cup of hands. Ongel, Man, get your head together. I thanked the weaver for the bundles of bandages and blankets she had brought. I had to leave. We had talked about Tarra, everyone's worry of her. How they wanted to gang up and force her to rest, I had gave them the advice of, You can't make anyone do anything` unless they really wanted to. Right now, I needed to take my own advice.

I just walked off. I hoped she would come see me. She would follow cause she knew I needed..to be wanted tonight. That even Warriors wanted someone to care for them. To make them feel, special, loved, desired, and craved. A love on an equal level. To want to touch my fingers before all and let them know, our bond, was something that we wanted the Sky and all around us to see.

Fuck me.

Dream Ongel, Dreamer. You are not a story teller. Get you head out of the clouds. I needed reality. I needed something real. I needed...to be wanted. It was late, I went to the wagons of Oren. She was there, wise woman, she didn't let Astar debate that Niyati had just fallen asleep. She told her to get Niyati for me. Taking Niyati, for once, no questions, her big eyes looking to me, as if to ask...why? She would give a cry of protest, as I took her from the warmth of a loving woman's arms, but it was okay, the noise was welcomed. I thanked them both, and headed back to my wagons. Sitting on the step closest to the fire, I put her on my lap, and those huge brown eyes were filled with tired tears. I did the only thing I could think of. I played Peek-A-Boo with her, and for the first time ever...for me, she smiled, she laughed. I did too. I think played until she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. But she fell asleep with a smile. I carried her to the furs by the other side of the fire, with her in my arms against my chest, I leaned back on the furs, I fell asleep thinking, this..is how life should be.

)(

It was easy to find Engorge, with whistles in the mass of kaiila's, verr's and Bosk all over the lands. He was huge, as most War kaiila were, but was use to my call. I felt a weight when I didn't see Cure in the masses. I saw the smoke swallow him when he went down, but I half hoped he would have made it. Binding and saddling him up, I would cut some of my bosk I could pull out of the masses to be lead and Tori carried gear to either use them to pull a wagon we could salvage back, or just use them for carrying back anything worth saving.

What I saw, I prayed none of my future children would ever see. I prayed those young enough to forget, would. To hear the stories would be one thing, but the image and feel burned inside of you, was totally another. It was like a nightmare that causes men to wake in cold sweats, and check his woman, all his children and even his slaves to make sure they were all sound and breathing. It was a vision of death and devastation. There was some just weeping by charred wagons, some refusing to let go of bodies as Warriors were collecting those for pyres. It was the children who were found hiding under burned blankets or in chest like they were taught if the wagons were attacked, that seemed to layer the emotions on in a heavier coating. I brought an Axe I have had for many years, a trade from Merchants cause it amused me. I rarely used it, with the lack of many trees on the plains. Today I used it to break down bigger pieces of my wagon that was worthless to be saved as wood, but to make it smaller to blend in the earth that we would soon be shoving up, as we were hard working people. In days no one would think thousands of wagons once laid there like a vision of hellish agony where those who lacked to respect the Sky or the Bosk would go. It would be dirt and ash that would be grass, by the time we returned to these lands. Everything that could be saved, would. We would mourn when we had time. We were thanking the Sky now, for giving us mercy to have saved so many.

I spoke with the Ubar, watched Tarra cross my path, which didn't surprise me in the least, she soothing Cana who was having a hard time adjusting, and this also, was no surprise. There were many around doing the same as I. I couldn't save any of the four wagons, some I would leave for the wagon builders to collect wood to repair those that could be. I would let Tori finish sorting out what to take back, and I needed to go check on Mezoo, I gave the Ubar my word to care for her.

In the vast of what surrounded me, nothing prepared me for finding Hannah. All I could do was hold her for a few ehns to let it soak in. I was there when she was born, and she felt so much like a daughter to me. I knew she had many sisters and family to help her mate with Bull, but right now, I would wrap her in bits of burned blanket and lay her carefully on the cart that was collecting others.

I rode back feeling every stirring of emotion that one could feel. Natalia met me there, getting water and rep cloths for Mezoo telling me she had rubbed her down with mint oil like I wanted, and Mezoo had her family with her. The Elder woman, Oren was sitting on the platform when I walked up. I was polite, and didn't walk in until I got a nod of approval to do so. Walking in, the feel seemed to rush over me like a breeze being thrown by a storm. A shake of my head to clear it, as I spoke lightly with Mezoo's Mother who looked so much like her. I was checking her throat for swelling, and her pulse when fingers wrapped around mine, and she spoke. "Don't let go" seemed to have a power behind it, I wasn't sure of, but I grasped her hand and we helped her up to catch a breath and get out the haze that was sending her into coughing fits. I was trying to check her over, touching her chest as she breathed and I suddenly pulled my hand back, embarrassed I was acting like a boy grasping his first breast. Wanting to study, feel, learn, but that wasn't what I wanted to do, or was it? There was something intoxicating about the wagon that wasn't letting my head remain clear. Her face was so flawless, reminding me of glass dolls on merchant wagons with perfectly painted faces. The whole moment was like a whirl wind. Natalia trying to help her drink water, I touched her jaw, its outline, those small fingers in my hand. Words, people were talking to me, I told Takara to get us food, Astar started to ask me questions that were only returned with shielded answers, silly ones, why was I so nervous? Food, eat, no, others eat, telling Takara to make sure Astar and Oren were taken care of. She touched me, why? Did she not feel what she was doing to me? I was confused, then, another touch...Oh these wicked Enchantresses were attacking me. No, be calm mighty Ongel of the Tuchuks, they wanted to see your burns. Where was Takara? She was my base right now, I needed to feel in control, damn I sent her off to serve, talk Ongel, get control..Yes I had a baby at my wagons, seemed to capture both of their attention, I was safe, no more touching, yet, my hand, my hand was capturing hers. I was touching. She was touching back, fingers coiling in a perfect fit, her fingers so soft. Oh, they wanted to help, Takara? She was busy looking overly happy with the gesture. I was invited to take my meals at their wagons, I would send the girls, yes, I would, I would? They were attacking me again. Words. I touched her hand, held it, captured it. What was that look in her eyes? Those lips, parted slightly, I almost jumped. She was getting tired, and Astar, saved me. Thank you I wanted to say. Sending Takara out to have Tasha get the kids ready for bed, I would stop and speak to Oren, was she okay? I might as well had said, "hey pick up your skirt so I can take a peek" from the way she swatted me to move and just walked right in the wagon, leaving me high and dry.

I smiled. I still wasn't sure what just happened, but her warm fingers still felt cupped in my hand.

)(

The night was long, and never ending. There was nothing that stopped me from working, knowing that the little girl that had found a cling to my side, Natalia, would watch over Mezoo well.It had been a while since I have seen the leather worker, Noya. There was a certain air about her, I enjoyed. I was not ignorant of her past, perhaps it played a part of it, I found her, a symbol of a woman who breathed tribe. It was a breath of fresh air to speak with her a bit. It wasn't until I crossed Tarra's path, and her wounds where, enough to make me feel a tear of guilt from having not checked on her earlier. I had her soak in the water of the stream. I could only smile, and see her be very brave as I cut away the leather that was fused to her legs. There was only soaking to try to ease the grasp of burned flesh. The last time we really had talked was the night we shared a meal. It was a great night. Not just of wager pay backs, but one of talking, laughing, and the thrill. I wondered what she surrounded her mind with when I felt the tense of muscle fight against my fingers as I checked her legs after working the leathers and boots off. A passing thought made me wonder if that herlit chick survived. I rubbed the raw of her skin with salve and wrapped her legs. Something about a woman makes me just want to care for her when she can't. Something about a woman allowing you to care for her. It was rare, very rare. I don't see this as a flaw in a woman, for that is the way our women were. Strong. One has to savor when its allowed. I do. Its like a gift worth a dozen bosk in trade. To gather a woman in your arms, and she gives just that ehn, of her. Of being a woman, fragile, needing to be cared for. To press a cheek against your chest, to carry her to her furs, and be able to smile, and see one in return, even between fires and loss. The smile was...Mine.

I think as men we all search for something, in someone, no matter the age, experiences in life, the roll of days, but just a little something, that belongs to just us. That is what we all just want. That is what we find in our mates. If it be the birth of a child, or finding love. If it be someone who makes you feel like if your arms can't embrace her at night, it will never be complete. It was what I was searching for. I had dreams, I had reality, now to find where they meet, is what I was willing to wait another hundred seasons for. It was a soothing thought, to find again what I once had. The fact that I knew the feeling, is what makes it burn so much. To taste it again. Like healing, like killing, like loving, to feed into the different lust of life, it was all one in the needs of a man.

It was almost the peak of morning by the time I got to my wagon. My personal wagon was filled with people, the healing wagon also, but I found a spot against the entrance to just sit and lean my head back, to get an ahn or two, and be there to be able to listen for any that needed help, that might arrive.

I had just fallen into this deep sleep, letting my mind find some peace. Not sure what pulled me out first, the sound of voices, or the feel of something clamping down hard on my hair. It could have been me being attacked, cause when I opened my eyes, there was nothing but huge browns staring at me, and I jolted to my feet taking grasp of it, like it was a sleen going for my face.

"What the fuck?"

Came out before I could stop it. The girls were laughing as a scream that cut the air sharper then a new quiva told me exactly what I had a hold of. Tasha ran up to help wedge little fingers out of my hair as I was just trying to hand the child to anyone. Tori was gasping for air, so she was no help at all, and it would be Natalia that would come and take the child scolding me for the use for such words to young ears. Was she serious? I just sat back down to try to collect my thoughts. Figure out just what was going on. Before I could get one question out, or get up to slap one of my girls quiet as the laughing was starting to bother me, all I heard...was Natalia..going on and on.

"Your girl Tasha, said she was to find my family, well, seeing that our parents are still missing I was able to find Niyati, who is my sister. Now that you two have met, and you have scared her, she will not be happy all day. Thank you for that. We have much too much work to be doing for you to be acting in such a fashion. We are thankful for you offering to care for us until my Parents are found, but you really need to work on your manners. But I am willing to help. Now, could you get one of these lazy girls to find us some milk, cause Niyati is hungry. I could use some food too. Healers need their strength up. I would recommend you wash up, you like horrible."

Not sure what else she said, I just started to zone her out as I looked at the big eyed baby. She was maybe one, but damn she was loud. I was hoping her head would grow into those eyes soon. Then she might be what I would call..pretty. Children at my wagons? I cut a look to Tasha as if to say, she better find these girls parents fast. Now Natalia, I could handle, she could walk, and was useful to me. She really had the drive to be a great healer one day, but that little big eyed one..still was screaming.

Shit where was some black wine?

Hope Takara was ready, she would be on baby duty until I find out what I was doing. Right now, it was time to check on people and ride out to see if there was anything left to save. It did take a cuffing to get Tori's head on right, but soon enough we were out.